Dr. Hasanah's Entries

Kesakitan di dalam mulut dan tulang muka

2012-01-27T14:14:00.001+08:00

Dalam setiap kesukaran itu tentunya ada hikmah: kesukaran terbaru menyebabkan saya menukar corak makan secara berterusan kepada makan secara berjadual, (untuk menjaga kebersihan di dalam mulut) dan pengambilan jenis makanan juga adalah terhad (untuk mengelakkan bisa).

Natijahnya, gaya pemakanan sebegini adalah lebih baik untuk pemandiri kanser. Terdapat seolah-olah angka ajaib pula dalam berpuasa, iaitu berpuasa selama 18 jam. Di dalam internet, terdapat beberapa penulisan yang mengaitkan kebaikan makan hanya dalam lingkungan 6 jam sehari, untuk mereka yang mempunyai kanser dan untuk mereka yang ingin memecahkan lemak.

Jika saya berpuasa secara Islam, berbuka dengan makanan yang sederhana pada pukul 7 petang, dan bersahur 1 malam, maka saya akan menepati jadual pemakanan sebegitu. Perbezaannya puasa secara Islam adalah ianya tidak membolehkan saya minum atau makan sup ringan di siang hari, dan berpuasa secara total untuk jangka masa jam yang lama boleh melambatkan metabolsme badan. Berpuasa secara yang disarankan selama 18 jam mengizinkan seseorang itu minum dan makan makanan ringan seperti sup sayur dan jus yang tidak mempunyai karbohidrat tinggi.

Menarik sekali. Saya akan mencuba dengan diselang-seli berpuasa secara Islam.

Hari ini saya baru sahaja selesai masak sup tulang dan ikan goreng, serta sup cendawan untuk saya, maka kena lah taruh dan makan pada waktu biasa berbuka puasa. Lagi elok dibiasakan hanya makan pada waktu itu.

Gum Boil

2012-01-25T14:18:00.001+08:00

Gum boil is the condition that I am suffering. It sets the panic button, that sent me to get a follow-up with my oncologist and subsequently a referral to a dentist.

I was expecting drainage of the pus and the anticlimax of excitement-disappointment sets in. Excitement, because I thought it was a metastasis and disappointment because the dentist did not think drainage of pus was necessary and preferred me to take antibiotics and see him in 3 weeks time for a filling of the tooth that sets the chronic infection. He was reassuring and he promised to mend other broken teeth or fillings.

The lesson learnt is that though metastasis to the tooth/teeth could happen, it usually happened when there is already widespread metastasis elsewhere.

However, the few days of living with the belief of having stage 4 breast cancer, had thrown me back 120% to the practice as written in the book Kanser Payudara: Teman Ke Akhir Hayat. I never had felt better than anytime in the last three years. So now, even with absence of malignant threat, I still want to continue the same healthy living.

All the medications that I've swallowed had reduced the swelling in my sinuses, and since yesterday, I am feeling that my nose is smaller and softer. However, as I complained that my maxillary bone and throat is still inflamed in spite of antibiotic for the past one week, the doctor gave me Augmentin 625 mg bd to replace the Cloxacillin, and to continue with Metronidazole for another one week.

Things to tell your dentists

2012-01-24T08:45:00.004+08:00

I must admit that I never thought that breast cancer metastases could go to pulpa/periapical regions of the tooth. I knew that it could go to the jaw or occipital regions (quite common), but the tooth is the least thought of site, especially if the cancer is not yet clinically widespread in its metastasis.

So, if you're a breast cancer survivor, it is prudent to tell your dentist about your medical history. Also, if you're a breast cancer survivor, think hard and properly before you consented to the dental procedures such as implants, root canal or other traumatic conservative attempt by the dentist. There was also a controversy raised by the dental specialist that pioneered root canal. He claimed that it could be a source of chronic inflammation that increased susceptibilities to heart problem or other end organ damages, and after reviewing the literature, it could be just the site to attract and nuture circulating cancer cells.

Also be careful about the dental filling that incorporates amalgam. There are already many warning and write ups in the Internet.

Now, I am inserting two images that represent the case reports about unsuspecting oral lesions that were actually breast cancer metastasis.

CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE FOR THE PDF

BREAST CANCER METASTASIS TO THE TOOTH!!

2012-01-21T22:22:00.007+08:00

When I did the bone scan in middle of Dec last year, the technician asked me whether I was suffering from a toothache. My upper molar tooth on the right seemed to take up the radioactive material. I had to agree with her that the uptake was due to the bad tooth, for that tooth was a bad tooth indeed, but then it was not that bad, and it was not hurting at all, not even until now. I agreed that it was and is a bad tooth because it had descended from its place slightly, as there was no opposing lower molar. However, the thought about the active lesion can't be dismissed, especially so when there was no pain and until now there was only slight pain on pressure on the gum and underlying bone. There is also a mild swelling of the mucosa and a small abscess.

So, I've been searching to pacify my subconscious worrying diagnosis of metastasis to the tooth, however ridiculous it is; PET scan won't help any further, bone scan is better than PET scan for bone met. The best is of course biopsy, but I am not giving in to any form of biopsy --YET!

This article explains why my right upper molar tooth is susceptible, the so called The Hedgehog Pathway Conditions the Bone Micro environment for Osteolytic Metastasis of Breast Cancer.

In simple phrase, my weak tooth, though it is still intact and not decaying, it is weakened as it has slightly detached from its socket and lacks oxygen, thus creating a micro environment conducive to metastasis. I am not having a toothache, but my tooth lights up on bone scan and there is small abscess forming in the gum right now. No wonder my mouth is so foul smelling lately! It could be a gum boil, still needing urgent attention from the dentist.

Now, just now, I found a publication that alerted me to seek treatment from the oncologist and dentist. Metastasis of a ductal breast carcinoma to the buccal mucosa of the mandible with tooth involvement. At least now, eventhough the threat appeared much more real, I am feeling better, sort of the return of the warrrior spirit similar to that felt upon the first diagnosis.

So, what to do now? Let me try my way first; if it seemed not working then I'll go to a dentist. He or she can take x-rays or do a biopsy.

This case show a similar presentation, except that she had taken bisphosphonate and suspected to suffer from bisphosphonate-induced jaw osteonecrosis: Source: click here.

Metastatic breast carcinoma in the mandible presenting as a periodontal abscess: a case report.
Poulias E, Melakopoulos I, Tosios K.

ABSTRACT:

INTRODUCTION: Tumors can metastasize to the oral cavity and affect the jaws, soft tissue and salivary glands. Oral cavity metastases are considered rare and represent approximately 1% of all oral malignancies. Because of their rarity and atypical clinical and radiographic appearance, metastatic lesions are considered a diagnostic challenge. The purpose of this report is to present a rare case of a metastatic breast carcinoma mimicking a periodontal abscess in the mandible.

CASE PRESENTATION: A 55-year-old Caucasian woman was referred to our clinic for evaluation of bisphosphonate-induced jaw osteonecrosis. She had undergone modified radical mastectomy with axillary lymph node dissection for invasive ductal carcinoma of the left breast. Her clinical examination showed diffuse swelling and a periodontal pocket of 6 mm exhibiting suppuration in the posterior right mandible. Moreover, paresthesia of the lower right lip and chin was noted. There were no significant radiographic findings other than alveolar bone loss due to her periodontal disease. Although the lesion resembled a periodontal abscess, metastatic carcinoma of the breast was suspected on the basis of the patient's medical history. The area was biopsied, and histological analysis confirmed the final diagnosis of metastatic breast carcinoma.

CONCLUSION: The general dentist or dental specialist should maintain a high level of suspicion while evaluating patients with a history of cancer. Paresthesias of the lower lip and the chin should be considered ominous signs of metastatic disease. This case highlights the importance of the value of a detailed medical history and thorough clinical examination for the early detection of metastatic tumors in the oral cavity.

Another case: Click here.

Metastasis of a ductal breast carcinoma to the buccal mucosa of the mandible with tooth involvement.
Kechagias N, Ntomouchtsis A, Patrikidou A, Christoforidou B, Andreadis C, Vahtsevanos K.

Abstract

BACKGROUND: We present a metastatic tumour from the breast to the gingiva, with the rare finding of tooth invasion. Metastatic tumours to the oral region are uncommon. The breast is the most common primary site for metastatic tumours to the jawbones in women, with the mandible being most often affected.

CASE REPORT: We report the case of a 52-year-old Caucasian woman who presented with a swelling of the buccal mucosa in the molar region of the left mandible. Biopsy revealed a metastatic lesion, with involvement of the two adjacent molars. Immunohistochemical analysis ruled out other malignancies and confirmed the diagnosis of a ductal breast carcinoma origin.

DISCUSSION: Management in such cases should be in the context of the treatment of a metastatic disease that could prolong survival and improve quality of life, but is not curative. Tooth invasion has been described since 1910 for different primary malignancies with distant metastases to the oral cavity. This report seems to describe the second case in the literature of a metastatic breast carcinoma to the mandible with tooth invasion. Management in such cases should be in the context of the treatment of a metastatic disease that could prolong survival and improve quality of life, but is not curative.

Pecah Beling: Herba No 1 saya

2012-01-19T23:10:00.003+08:00

http://www.natureloveyou.sg/

Satu kebaikan daripada catatan dan perkongsian di dalam blog adalah penulisnya dapat menyemak balik kemasukan tulisan yang lepas, dan kadang-kadang apa yang telah ditulis pada masa yang lampau boleh membantu diri dalam menangani masalah semasa.

Pada penulisan bertarikh Wednesday, March 21, 2007 saya begitu teruja kerana mepelajari tentang herba Strobilanthes crispus daripada pesakit saya. Beliau amat berjaya meredakan kanser peringkat 4 dengan pengambilan jus segar daripada duan pokok ini.

Semenjak daripada masa itu saya telah mengamalkan pengambilan jus daripada daun tersebut. Malang sekali bermula dari tahun 2010, saya telah berhenti pengambilannya, disebabkan saya beralih kepada pengambilan daun pokok South Afrika. Peralihan tersebut dilakukan kerana ovari sebelah kiri saya membesar dan pengambilan daun South Afrika lebih menepati masalah pembesaran ovari. Selain itu saya berhenti mengambil Strobilanthes crispus kerana sudah terlalu jemu menelan jus itu.

Mulai minggu ini saya beralih semula kepada herba Strobilanthes crispus (herbal no 1 saya pada tahun 2007-2009) kerana setelah membaca penulisan yang lalu berserta dengan penerbitan saintifik dikebelakangain ini, ternyata herba ini lebih unggul dalam memerangani banyak penyakit - darah tinggi, kencing manis, batu karang, kanser dan terbaik dari segi antioksidannya. Mungkin jika saya mengamalkan semula, darah tinggi dan kolesterol saya dapat di kawal dalam julat yang normal.

Masalahnya, pada mula pengambilan semula jus ini, begitu berbisa rasanya sakit-sakit urat, tulang dan sendi. Barulah saya faham akan aduan pesakit yang mengambil jus ini. Oleh kerana daripada pembacaan saya, risiko keracunan dan toksik kerana daun herba ini adalah rendah, maka saya akan meneruskannya. Lagipun, saya ingin mengembalikan semula kecerahan dan kegebuan kulit hasil daripada kadar anti-oksidannya yang tinggi, :-)

Layan-slide zaman tahun 2007

Cool Slideshows

Some corrections: supplements; daun ekor naga just a claim by few patients, no supportive evidence

Itchy hands

2012-01-16T17:53:00.003+08:00

So, the book has been published. It materialised because I got to get those information that I've been gathering and the experience of my patients as well as mine out. All bared and put into words. No secret and no denial.

Since the launch, there was one thing that put so much itch into my hands and mind.....i.e. to bake a cake. I was planning to bake lapis lengit from Rima's blog, but hubby can't find ovalette, and I think I am too apprehensive over the too many egg yolks, and the whites that need to be turned into some sort of a cake. Giada simply threw it into her waste basket.

This Zebra Cotton Cheese cake is appealing because it only has 60 g butter and 60 g of flour inside and thus I hope as light as in the calorie. The excitement is in baking it and taking in the aroma and the pleasure is seeing hubby eating the cake. It is quite easy to prepare and it smells heavenly. Well, let see how it turned out!

Hemm, dah makan. It simply melt in my mouth. Too light maybe, thus, I think hubby may not like it. He is the muffin type! I probably won't repeat it, it is not my kind of cake too.

Anyway, it is a good start. If it does not look nice as in the Guru's blog, it is because mine was taken with a camera phone.

Aktiviti Fizikal

2012-01-14T16:18:00.000+08:00

Hari ini berkesempatan berlari di Kampus Kesihatan. Kali terakhir belari adalah semasa larian 6 km dahulu. Makanya, sudah 3 bulan tergendala. Apabila musim hujan tiba, aktiviti berlari terpaksa ditangguh. Walaupun begitu, pagi tadi cuaca agak mengizinkan dan kami masih boleh berlari mengelilingi padang gof secara berterusan. Walaupun suami dan saya tergolong dalam kategori ringan tulang dengan kerja di rumah dan berkebun, tiada yang boleh menandingi aktiviti larian. Kelihatan di atas, suami sedang mencuba alat senaman yang disediakan berhampiran dengan komplek sukan yang baharu.

Berlari tanpa henti menguji tahap kecergasan dan prestasi kardio-vaskular. Alhamdullilah, kami okay lagi. Akan tetapi ada orang tidak begitu okay dengan kekuatan otot deltoid. Lihatlah senaman di bawah. Sepatutnya, kedua-dua pemegang itu boleh di tolak ke atas berserta dengan kerusi di angkat ke atas. Ini adalah satu maklumbalas yang baik, demi untuk merancang kekuatan dan kecergasan yang optima. Pembentukan otot yang berpada-pada akan membantu penurunan peratusan lemak dengan senang.

Sambung nyawa

2012-01-10T16:20:00.000+08:00

Memang tepat sekali apabila saya memulakan semula tanaman organik di atas balkoni, saya bermula dengan pokok sambung nyawa. Sambung nyawa adalah rangkuman kesemua jenis species Gynura. Jika dahulu, saya menanam Gynura procumbens di atas balkoni, sekarang ini tanpa dirancang, crepidioides pula yang tertanam.

Saya terjumpa keratan pokok Gynura crepidioides di rak organik di Tesco. Dilabelkannya sebagai sayur bayam unggu. Pada pengamatan saya, sayur itu mempunyai ciri-ciri species Gynura, dan kerana warna unggu di bahagian bawah daun yang hijau, saya teringat lah akan Okinawan Spinach atau Gynura crepidioides yang berwarna unggu. Saya membelinya, dan menyucuk batang daun yang telah tersimpan selama seminggu di dalam peti ais di bahagian kotak sayur, ke tapak semaian di dalam pasu. Itu saya lakukan seminggu yang lalu dan apabila saya pulang dari bercuti di Pulau Pinang, alangkah sukanya hati melihat beberapa batang pokok telah hidup dengan agak baik.

Warna unggu di bawah daun tidak
seunggu yang asli

Walaupun begitu, ternyata rama-rama amat menyukai Sambung Nyawa jenis ini, kerana begitu banyak ulat dan telur ulat rama-rama telah berada di pokok, dan hampir kesemua daun dan dahan pokok telah dimakan. Memang saya tahu rama-rama amat menyukai daun Gynura atau Sambung Nyawa, dan Gynura Procumbens saya telah beberapa kali pupus kerana serangan ulat bulu. Tetapi di dalam banyak-banyak pokok Gynura yang ada berhampiran, Gynura crepidioides juga yang menjadi kesukaan. Tentunya crepidioides mempunyai lebih kebaikan, dan tentu sekali tidak toksik. Kalau tidak tentu ulat-ulat bulu tersebut telah nahas.

Anda boleh mendapat bacaan lain mengenai Gynura crepidioides atau Okinawan Spinach, juga dikenali sebagai Cholesteronl Spinach, dengan pergi ke sumber gambar di bawah gambar.

Sumber Gambar

Pantun teman ke akhir hayat

2012-01-08T21:18:00.004+08:00

Petikan dari buku

Makan minum tidak diawasi

Apabila teman menjauhkan diri

Sesudah membaca buku sendiri

Barulah kalut menginsafi diri

Lalu ku tinjau balkoni yang diabaikan
Dulunya taman sumber anti-oksidan
Leka sejenak berangan-agan
Rimbunan hijau yang bakal ditanam

Biji sawi dan biji gandum
Tanam di dalam bekas di atas balkoni
Bebas kimia bebas racun
Menjadi penawar, penambah seri

Badan cergas tiap-tiap hari berpeluh
Semangat kuat seperti mula-mula dulu
Sel kanser tak berapa nak tumbuh
Badan ramping, kulitku berseri gebu

Ketumbuhan Payudara

2012-01-07T17:01:00.001+08:00

Gambar drp. Dr.Abd Hamid Mat Sain.
ColumbiaAsia Hospital,292 Jalan Haruan 2,Oakland Commercial Centre
70300 Seremban, Malaysia
https://www.facebook.com/#!/abdhamidmatsain

Lihatlah gambar di atas. Oh, adakah itu stik tenderloin yang siap untuk diperap dan di gril? Bukan, itu sebenarnya ketumbuhan yang dikeluarkan dari payudara! Sudah begitu besar!. Mungkin bukan silap empunya diri menyimpan ketulan tersebut, tetapi, dek kerana terlewat berjumpa dengan pakar yang sebenar.

Ketulan di dalam payudara bukan dalam bidang pakar sakit puan. Jika ada pakar sakit puan ingin membedah payudara anda, katakan TIDAK! Silalah berjumpa pakar bedah seberapa segera, atau, berjumpa dengan pakar radiologi yang boleh membuat ujian mamogram atau ultrabunyi dengan segera.

Apa? Anda takut dibuat biopsi? Ya, ada orang mengatakan bahawa biopsi akan menyebabkan sel kanser tiris keluar dan pergi ke atas kulit atau kawasan lain badan. Jangan risau, sebagai contoh, saya telah menjalani biopsi tru-cut (lagilah besar jarum yang menusuk ke dalam kanser), dan Alhamdullilah, masih belum keluar kanser seperti yang dikatakan.

Ada apa lagi? Oh, anda ingin membunuh kanser itu dengan pemakanan anti-kanser dan jus MLM yang anda beli. Jikalau jus MLM, anda hanya memberi keuntungan kepada jerung MLM. Pemakanan pula sukar melawan kanser yang ganas atau kanser pada individu yang lemah daya pertahanan atau sistem keimunan. Bacalah buku Kanser Payudara: Teman ke Akhir Hayat untuk mendapat informasi/panduan yang lebih terperinci.

Beli Buku Daripada Penulis

2012-01-07T16:05:00.008+08:00

Bayaran sebanyak RM38 ringgit [Buku: RM30; Pengiriman: RM8]

Sarawak RM 40; Sabah RM 42

Brunei RM 58 parsel register

HASANAH BINTI CHE ISMAIL

e-mail kan butiran diri nama/alamat/no. talipon dan bank pembayaran yang diingini ke:

nadim_s7@yahoo.com
Sila nyatakan samada tandatangan penulis diingini atau tidak

Tempahan akan diproses setelah bukti pembayaran di emailkan
Hantaran dibuat pada hari Ahad - Khamis

Maklumat lanjut mengenai buku - KLIK di bawah:
Kanser Payudara: Teman Ke Akhir Hayat

Untuk maklumat lanjut pengedar dan penjual di Kuala Lumpur, sila hubungi:

Pengurus Pemasaran, Koperasi Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka (M) Bhd.,

Tingkat Bawah, Menara DBP, Jalan Dewan Bahasa, 50460 Kuala Lumpur.

Tel. (Kedai Buku): 03-2148 1222, (Pejabat) 03-2148 5869, 03-2143 3505.

Website; Emel: koopdbp@yahoo.com

WC

2012-01-02T11:48:00.001+08:00

There seemed to be not much wrong with me in the photo on the left. The photo was taken in mid December last year. However, I realised that there is something that is terribly wrong, something as in the enlarged part of the image, as on the right.

My WC (waist circumference) was more than 80 cm and that is one criterion for syndrome X or metabolic syndrome. A person has metabolic syndrome if he or she has three or more of these 5 criteria as stated below:

Abdominal obesity. This is determined by measuring the waist circumference, the criteria of which are population- and country-specific. For Malaysians, the upper limits for both men and women are 90 cm and 80 cm respectively.

High blood pressure. If the reading is at or above 130 mmHg for systolic and/or 85 mmHg for diastolic blood pressure, or if a person is on medication for hypertension, then he or she falls into this group.

• High blood glucose. A fasting level above 5.6 mmol/L is abnormal. You have diabetes if your fasting level is more than 7.0 mmol/L on at least two separate occasions. If the value falls somewhere in between, you will then have impaired glucose tolerance or IGT. A special test called Oral Glucose Tolerance Test (OGTT) may be needed to confirm the status.

High triglycerides. This other main component of fat in the body is used as fuel for energy consumption. Elevated levels are found in those who are overweight, smokers, those who consume excess alcohol and eat high carbohydrate diet and those who lead a sedentary lifestyle. Levels above 1.7 mmol/L are considered high.

•Low HDL-cholesterol. Not all cholesterol is bad. HDL or good cholesterol facilitates the reverse transport of cholesterol from the arteries to the liver. This is in opposite action to LDL or bad cholesterol which causes the arteries to clog up. A level below 1.0 mmol/L for men and 1.3 mmol/L for women is considered abnormal.

Except from here!

Indeed, I have three criteria: WC, BP and LDL.

So, people are talking about new year's resolution. My resolution is so very practicle, just wanting a regular daily routine with these objectives:

1. Maximum limit to one cup of rice a day with very simple lauk, e.g. ikan goreng with kuah pindan
2. At least 40 minutes with Rael Iskowitz in the evening, minimum 5 days a week. Optional, jogging during weekend.
3. Overdose on celery, carrot, daikon, lemon, green tea and the leaves from plants in my garden.
4. Weekly vacuuming and moping the whole house, at least once a week.
5. More quality time with hubby's cats.

The above routine will hopefully trim my WC and tone up the bod..and I'll be enjoying wonderful benefits, like normal blood pressure, normal lipids and lower risk of breast cancer relapse.

Invitation from the new VC

2011-12-31T12:06:00.002+08:00

Profesor Dato' Dr Omar Osman
Naib Canselor USM
New Big Boss in USM

Last Friday of the year 2011

2011-12-31T12:02:00.003+08:00

Hemm...this is what I was doing. Massaging Boboy's head. It is apparent that he liked it, and me too.

What's in my mind. Well, nothing much, as today is a relaxing day, as I bought cooked food for DH from the farmer's market; enough to feed him till tonight.

What about cleaning the house? Well, that I'll do next year.

What I want to complete this year is writing a paper, while my mind is still preoccupied with the comments given during my research presentation yesterday.

I was the only presenter yesterday. Only a dozen or so doctors who are masters students attended, none of the clinician attended; probably too busy in the ward or having time off rejoicing OR trouncing in sorrow over the salary increment that ranged from RM200+ to RM7,000+

Then, as I was about to begin, the Dean with his Deputy Dean of Research and Deputy Dean of Academic walked in. So I was caught with a conflicting poise, he he...but a professional and cool poise predominated. So my audience was very biased indeed...and at end, the three important guys in the school were the only one commenting or raising questions.

However, those comments are very useful for me to write up the research into a paper, to be published in the International Society of Quality of Life.

KESIHATAN WANITA. Meniti Usia Emas

2011-12-24T22:02:00.004+08:00

Buku baru diterbitkan oleh Dewan Bahasa Pustaka ini amat menarik dan berinformasi kepada wanita pertengahan usia. Jumlah muka surat 322 dengan 19 bab, dan harganya ialah RM30 sahaja. Buku ini dikarang oleh 17 orang pensyarah dari Universiti Sains Malaysia, Kampus Kesihatan.

Saya sendiri mengarang Bab 18. Sexualiti Pada Usia Emas. Silalah meninjau di kedai buku Sayarikat Muda Osman untuk mereka dari Kota Bharu, dan wakil penjual DBP di bandar lain. Sebahagian daripada 18 orang penulis yang terlibat menyumbangkan duit royalti mereka kepada Unit Perkembangan Kesihatan Wanita, Pusat Pengajian Sains, Kubang Kerian. Dengan membelinya, bermakna anda berusaha untuk mempertingkatkan kesihatan anda dan anda juga turut berderma kepada pembangunan wanita di wilayah kami. Terima Kasih.

MYRA

2011-12-21T23:17:00.008+08:00

Manusia Yang Rasa Aman - Human who are feeling contented

The fundamental steps toward being a MYRA

1. Do not eat excessively

The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) warned us about the dangers and health hazards of overeating.

He advised us to fill our stomach with 1/3 food, 1/3 for drink, and 1/3 for air.

On the authority of Al-Miqdaam ibn Maadiy-Karib who said: I heard the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying: “No human ever filled a vessel worse than the stomach. Sufficient for any son of Adam are some morsels to keep his back straight. But if it must be, then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath.” [Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasaa'I, Ibn Majah – Hadith sahih]

He also warned us about the perils of overeating.

On seeing a fat man, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said: “If you did not have a paunch (belly fat), it would be better for you. He also said: Overeating does not go with good health.” [Al-Haythami]

Try to remember this general rule: Eat to satisfy your hunger but not till you feel full. Excerpt from: Here

Eating excessively, may be a coping mechanism to unresolved conflict or the habit could result in physical deterioration that affect the psychological well-being.

Controlling eating will control other desires as well. Restricted eating is not only promoting spirituality, but it is also necessary to help the body conserve its energy and thus uses the energy in healing. Thus, restricted eating synergies the benefits from spirituality with dieting.

Being rich is a risk factor in aligning self to this fundamental rule. This is because, in Islam, when you are rich, there is more responsibility in you to make sure that what you have is accessible to the poor. Arrogance with what you have in this world will only be for your own self destruction.

Al-Taubah:

34. O you who believe! Verily, there are many of the (Jewish) rabbis and the (Christian) monks who devour the wealth of mankind in falsehood, and hinder (them) from the Way of Allâh (i.e. Allâh's Religion of Islâmic Monotheism). And those who hoard up gold and silver [Al-Kanz: the money, the Zakât of which has not been paid], and spend it not in the Way of Allâh, -announce unto them a painful torment.

35. On the Day when that (Al-Kanz: money, gold and silver, etc., the Zakât of which has not been paid) will be heated in the Fire of Hell and with it will be branded their foreheads, their flanks, and their backs, (and it will be said unto them):-"This is the treasure which you hoarded for yourselves. Now taste of what you used to hoard."

Listening to the University's KPI, and vision as well as mission of APEX, had very much weakened my focus in making sure that I strive towards Allah's KPI. Between thinking and putting effort to raise my University KPI and attending to my students with patience and tolerance, the later is obviously more noble, as I am training future doctors and specialists that will graduate to help many more students and patients.

So, tomorrow is Thursday, a day of restrain and cleansing. With a sore throat and coughing, I am trying to generate strength for tomorrow.

Chapter 63. Al-Munafiqun Verse 9

Believers, let your possessions and your offspring not make you negligent of Allah's remembrance. For whoso does that, they will be the losers. [63:10] And spend of what Allah has granted you by way of sustenance before death should come to any of you and he should say: "Lord, why did You not defer my return for a while so that I might give alms and be among the righteous?" [63:11] But when a person's term comes to an end, Allah never grants any respite. Allah is well aware of all that you do.

MYRA

2011-12-20T15:49:00.011+08:00

This morning there was a professor who came all the way from main campus to brief us on the vision and the way forward for this university that I am working in.

It was like listening to a psychiatric patient who has neologisms and delusion of grandeur. I looked around, and if I was not mistaken, I was the only one that came from my school (I ni tergolong dalam yang bodoh agaknya) except for another senior female professor that was present with her husband, a senior professor who host the talk.

This university is absolutely not the right place for me if "they" that have power, keep harping on the same outcome from us. The speaker talked big words, and keep using acronyms that were strange to me, and when the acronyms have their full meaning in the brackets, they appeared stranger still.

ERRC, ROI, LGU, GOT, MYRA 1, MYRA 2 and many more. I was laughing quietly, for thinking MYRA a satellite or a space ship Malaysia is building, thus, thinking the speaker was sounding like one of my Bipolar patient in full steam!

Dear USM, your Key Performance Indicators (KPI) is so much different to my KPI. My KPI is trying to find a solution on how to cope with the medical students that are running after us and knocking our door because we don’t have time to sort even our personal academic matters. The research that I had neglected and the increasing patients that I have to treat with reducing number of lecturers around. Our work training medical specialists is nothing to a RU U.

My KPI is on how to be calm and collected when a staff in distress called and encroached into my personal time and space to obtain my professional help. My KPI is to continue smiling when facing medical students who appeared and sound like they have empty skulls. My KPI is to remove my guilt for not giving enough time coaching my masters students who are training to be psychiatrist like me. My fundamental KPI is to be aware that I am here in this world just for a while and that I should not be taking a position that put problem and distress to others. My line of duty is actually making myself accessible to the "bottom billion." I don't have to create a pretentious patent, my presence is enough to those in distress.

So, I've spoken, and as I am not the Dean or the Director of this campus, my comments are of no value other than to bug those who had taken the responsibility and post that could make changes, but failing in putting significant effort at helping and making changes.

Somebody had it all wrong the other day, I was making some noise and he said; “Hasanah, tak apa la, under the new payment scheme, your gaji will naik.” He has not only got it all wrong, he was also insulting me unconsciously, I hope! Somehow, I looked at him and he appeared worse than my medical students that have empty skulls, his appeared to be dense with posh self-interest. Its like him saying, "Don't rock my posh boat la!"

Me, I am MYRA 2. I am Manusia Yang Rasa Aman (2 for juga)...for I've spoken, this morning and yes, documenting in my blog. Don't need to go to that unit with fancy name, ombudsman is in my blog for this entry. My KPI is for Allah to approve.

Anyway, lastly; This morning was the first time being introduced to the speaker. I loike! You have done a good job, I think. At least you listen and you're truthful.

e mail from a reader

2011-12-19T11:30:00.000+08:00

Today's entry is an e-mail from a reader. I have taken the liberty of just minor editing and trying to keep as much of the original flavour and useful message. It is hoped that other's with breast cancer or other type of cancer benefit from the e-mail. Though you or your body know best, it is best to let your body work with the best kind of knowledge and not necessarily the best kind of treatment. Participate in your therapy and try to remove as much blind spots as possible. Help your body to heal, with knowledge so that resistance and barriers are removed.

Asssalamualaikum wbt,

Hope you are in the best of health and in good spirits.

I am now back at home and hoping I can write something useful.

I am indeed grateful that I had the chance to read your blog which I came across when I was already stricken with cancer. I knew I had to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible because I wanted to make informed decisions on treatments and care.

When I was first diagnosed with left breast BC in feb 2010, I was totally at a loss, just going along with what the doctor's recommended. I was supposed to have mastectomy then and I chose to have it at Private medical centre in Kelantan, as the government hospital could'nt give me an earlier date for the operation. At the private hospital, macam mana pula, the doctor decided that he could do a lumpectomy instead of mastectomy. Masa tu suka le sbb tak hilang breast!.

Anyway, lepas tu jump onco di HUSM and supposed to do 6 rounds of chemo and 26x radiotherapy. After 3rd chemo , went for CT scan and the doctor at the onco unit told me I had lung and bone mets. Told me that I was already in stage 4. She suggested herceptin because I was Her2 positive.

I looked up Herceptin on the net and read good and bad stuff about it and decided against having herceptin.

I continued with the chemo, but after 5th chemo, felt so terrible and hopeless that I decided no more chemo for me. Went to Darul Syifa al Hidayah at Gombak and amal ayat ayat Quran. Surfed the net and found good sites on BC, including your blog....and followed advice on juicing and healthy diet.

Dec 2010, pindah balik ke Shah Alam to be near my siblings sbb KB bukan kampung saya tapi kampung suami. We managed to spend 6 years in KB, tapi I tak brp seronok sbb jauh dari adik beradik and friends. Tapi ikut suami sbb suami dpt kerja di kb. Bila suami boring kerja dan letak jwtn, mmmg teringin pindah balik ke kl. Bila sakit, suami decided elok pindah so that I can my family support.

Di KL, I followed up treatment di Putrajaya hospital. Di putrajaya, ada visiting onco aje. Dtg once a month. I buat mammo and ultrasound. Lepas tu sbb ada suspicious mass, buat ultra sound guided biopsy which confirmed the mass was malignant. Then they did CT scan and when reviewed with onco, she said there are mets in the lung and liver. Bone mets ruled out as the bone scan in SJMC earlier showed that I had no bone mets. She also said that mammo nampak macam ada suspicious mass kat right breast and suggested another biopsy. Kalu confirmed ada, then double mastec, instead of single mastec. Because of the mets, she also suggested that I take hormone Arimedex because I refused chemo.

I tanya onco about doing. Pet scan, tapi dia kata tak perlu sbb ianya 'will not change the treatment mgt'. I pun pelik juga sbb onco kata gitu sbb dia mestilah dah experienced gila dgn kanser ni.

So who else to turn to except prof lah. Sbb tu cepat cepat tanya pendapat prof ttg Arimedex and you advised that I go for a PET scan.

After getting the pet scan results, I was relieved beyond words. Yes, memang ada local recurrence at the left breast but the rest all clear of mets. Can you imagine after being told you have lung and liver mets based on the CT scan and being prescribed something based on the CT scan... And having the PET scan clearing you of mets, suddenly the treatment or management is different! The private onco I went to see to review my Pet scan results told me to put on hold the Arimidex, go straight for surgery.

So I went for mastectomy and am now recovering.

Moral of the story is, don't be afraid to ask for second or even third opinion. Have as much knowledge as possible. You are the one who is sick, so you have to take charge and not let others rule your life.

Not all doctors know best. Next most important- go for a PET scan. It is invaluable. No guessing game. It can change the treatment management as it did for me. It is so important because the PET scan gives the status of the cancer, ke mana dia dah merebak dgn lebih tepat dari ct scan. In prof words 'at least u will know where to direct the healing energy'.

So kalu tak de duit nak buat pet scan, jual lah gelang emas tu, sbb bila dah sakit, tak kuasa nak pakai gelang emas pun. Bila kita dah kojol, gelang emas tu jadi milik orang lain ke,, jadi hantaran ke... Ha ha ... Baik guna utk diri sendiri and penyembuhan dari sakit sakit kita.

Just my two cents worth.

Allah knows best.

Salam n take care.

Hello 2012

2011-12-13T16:25:00.000+08:00

Breast cancer and Colon cancer survivors

Hasanah Che Ismail & Shuib Puteh

12th December 2011

KANSER PAYUDARA: Teman ke Akhir Hayat

2011-12-08T18:40:00.015+08:00

Buku bertajuk KANSER PAYUDARA - Teman ke Akhir Hayat mempunyai 320 halaman, beserta dengan Indeks dan Glosari, di cetak oleh Dewan Bahasa Pustaka.

Buku ini mengandungi 2 bahagian. Bahagian 1 menceritakan pengalaman penulis dan pesakit beliau menangani kanser payudara.

Kisah yang berbagai disertai dengan fakta klinikal dan patologikal mengenai kanser payudara. Bahagian 1 menghuraikan bagaimana gejala, peringkat kanser dan ciri-ciri patologikal boleh mempengaruh jenis rawatan, juga prognosis kanser payudara.

Bahagian ke 2 tertumpu kepada cara penyembuhan yang menyeluruh. Penyembuhan yang diutamakan ialah berbentuk naturopati atau secara asli. Penekanan diberikan terhadap kepelbagaian keganasan kanser dan juga kepelbagaian tingkat pertahanan perumah (pesakit kanser). Bahagian ini turut mengandungi satu bab tentang seksualiti pemandiri kanser payudara dan masalah seks yang mungkin timbul.

Walaupun buku bertajuk tentang kanser payudara, ia sesuai dibaca oleh pesakit atau pemandiri kanser yang berlainan jenis, kerana langkah penyembuhan adalah juga baik untuk kanser jenis lain.

Buku ini sesuai dihadiahkan kepada kenalan dan ahli keluarga yang menghidap kanser. Informasi yang diberikan amatlah berguna kepada sesiapa yang mempunyai risiko kanser. Sesiapa sahaja boleh mengalami kanser ini, dan dianggarkan 1 dalam 20 wanita di negara ini terdedah kepada kanser jenis ini. Penulis berharap pembaca akan mendapat semangat atau motivasi untuk memulakan langkah pencegahan, dan istemewa untuk pemandiri kanser, buku ini diharap dapat memberi panduan supaya kebarangkalian kanser berulang dapat dihapuskan.

Sesungguhnya, buku ini ditulis kerana buku sebeginilah yang diharapkan dan dicari oleh penulis semasa beliau mendapat diagnosa kanser payudara.

Penulis sekarang telah melewati 5 tahun hidup selepas kanser payudara dan penulis sendiri dalam berkali-kali membacanya mendapat semangat dan kekuatan baru ingin hidup secara sihat setiap kali selepas membacanya.

Tidak dinafikan oleh penulis, Allah telah memberikan banyak nikmat dalam musibah yang berbentuk kanser ini dan penulis dapat rumusakan bahawa: "erienced in lalifae is summarised as "It was so wrong but it came out so right." [Ianya bermula sebegitu salah tetapi berakhir dengan amat betul]

10th Muharram

2011-12-06T12:50:00.004+08:00

I've grown to love my Juz' so much that if there is a doubt about it being another, I would still have Juz' 20 as my anchor. It gives me much spiritual strength, that I stood the test of yesterday.

In the past I would easily break my optional fast, and yesterday, while listening to colleagues talking while having lunch next door, and my student messaging me to come for lunch, while the biggest challenge from smelling curry mi, lontong and whatever aromas drifting in via the bottom space of my office door, there was a repeated thought that says "Why not fast on 10 and 11 Muharram instead of 9th and 10th, go on break your fast, you will gain more points by not disappointing your students' kenduri. Go and eat."

In the past I would listen to the voice of craving, but this year I have more strenght. So, I won't refer Juz'20 as my Juz Diri, but it is actually my secure base Juz. Other wonderful thing is that I don't have to have external alarm to get up in the last third of night and I could curb my compulsion to binge. So, my sahur was as light as a cup of ganoderma drink and a glass of pegaga juice from blending 7 pegaga (Centella asiatica) leaves.

So, on this special day, let me adorn my entry with Al-Saqid's wisdom:

The roots of conduct have four aspects:

1. Conduct with God
2. Conduct with self
3. Conduct with people
4. Conduct with this world

Each of these aspects is based on seven principles. There are 7 principles of conduct with God:

1. Giving His due
2. Keeping His limits
3. Being thankful for His gift
4. Being content with His decree
5. Being patient with His trials
6. Glorifying His sanctity
7. Yearning for Him

The 7 principles of conduct with self are:

1. reducing fear,
2. striving
3. enduring harm
4. embracing spiritual discipline
5. seeking truthfulness and sincerity
6. withdrawing the self from what it loves
7. blinding it in poverty

The 7 principles of conduct with people are:

1. forbearance
2. forgiveness
3. humility
4. generosity
5. compassion
6. good counsel
7. justice and fairness

The 7 principles of conduct with this world:

1. being content with what is at hand
2. preferring what is available to what is not
3. abandoning the quest for the elusive
4. hating over-abundance
5. choosing abstinence
6. knowing the evils of this world and abandoning any desire for them
7. negating its dominance

CANCER QUACKERY - Scam Vitamin B17/Amygdalin/Laetrile

2011-12-05T12:19:00.002+08:00

VERY NICE AIDID: CLICK HERE

My friends; Please read, and read....

2011-12-01T10:54:00.003+08:00

Quran And Modern Science

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Clean your hard disk

2011-12-01T09:08:00.004+08:00

Again, this is about Al-Quran. Its effect varies and unique to individual. It may not leave any effect to certain people on reading it, but to others it may be a life changing experience. To average people like me, probably, reading it repeatedly is like peeling an onion. The more layers you peel the more stinging or tearing effects to the eyes.

There is a suggestion that those that belong to the group that do not really see or feel any effect from reading Quran, to attempt at cleaning your hard disk. Probably you are a learned person, but the knowledge contained in your brain matters is of no good to you other than making you preoccupied and attached to the worldly matters, or worse, it keeps generating sins that you proably unconsciously gathering.

The analogy of cleaning your hard disk, and reformatting it with reading certain surahs daily had been practiced by Nursyifa' Therapists. They also prescribed reading the Juz Diri (Self Juz') every week.

>Everyday, read Ar Rahman and Al Waqi'ah in the morning and Al Kahfi at night. With this method, the relative time to gain knowledge and wisdom in the Quran is shortened.

The healing energy is generated via the mental alertness and memory, liberating self-potential via rapid flow or perfusion of the brain matter and possibly the increasing ionic charges of the cells in the body - my own explanation

In one of the day after the last 10 nights of Ramadan, my mind was reverberating with Quranic recitation that I'd performed after the Tahajud ..... my unscientific explanation was probably that the blood flow or perfusion during that recitation was carried over the next day .... I think I had described it earlier....hari berikutnya kepala saya jadi bengong dan saya berbuka puasa...(ini lah yang terjadi pada seorang yang dungu dan lemah kerohaniannya).

The above practice should of course be accompanied by nighly Tahajud and daily Duha, and powerful zikr (Zikir Power).

My suggestion is that somebody should take up Phd studies, Changes in brain fMRI scan after repeated Quranic Surahs recitations.

pain management by quran

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Juz another day....

2011-11-30T13:43:00.003+08:00

When my Aunt asked me what benefits I got from reading my Juz' almost daily, my answer was "Plenty"; and when she asked me what are the benefits, I said: "It is rather subjective."

I searched in the net about "Juzu Diri" and guess what? The outcome of the search is only one, and it directed back to this page. Wow!

When I asked from the source of the term "Juzu Diri", the Uztaz said that many people who read the Juz' prescribed by him had amazing sale and amazing profits. I was tempted to ask his help to identify mine, but then he suggested that I find for myself. Now, for a person like me who likes to interpret things, there are one or two messages contained in his advice.

This is what my take on this so called "Juzu Diri." The Quran is a miracle and within it contained too many meaning, and reading it even without knowing the meaning brought so much rewards that the counter do not just moves with the sentence or for each word, but with each letter. I also believe that each and every Juz or Surah is special and the benefits I got from reading what I identified as my "Juz diri" are:

I could say that I've read a full Juz' in one sitting. Subhanallah, that did not even tire me...and I added other favorite short Surahs as "dessert".

I was quite an obsessive child, the worst period was while I was in primary school. All my exercise books were left with only few pages and a few of the books have only the covers. The reason was that on every homework, I did not get to complete and I kept tearing the pages after each minor mistake. I only could complete the homework if there was no mistake and that was a major feat. God had helped me tremendously in sending angels to help me with my homework in the University, or else I would not be able to graduate with a medical degree.

After being a psychiatrist, my only obsession I retained, I think is when reading Al-Quran. I MUST begin with Surah Al-Fatihah, followed by Al-Baqarah...and as Baqarah and the subsequent Surahs are long, then by the time the subsequent Ramadan came, I had to begin with Al-Fatihah again. Thus, I am quite an expert and fluid and forthcoming with the early Surahs.

So, because my so called Juz' is 20, I had broken the spell and suddenly I found myself free to roam within the 30 Juzu. Last night, on picking a Surah at random, suddenly, I realised that the Surah that I was reading did not begin with the Bismillah. Oh my God, Subhanallah ...my heart trembled with some strange emotion..... and somehow the content of that particular Surah was just right for me in this month of Muharram.

When my Aunt asked about the benefit, she probably wanted to know things related to worldly matters. There are several which to me paled in importance to what spiritual gains I had achieved this far.

1. Payment in US dollars for the professional work that I've done. Good enough to pay for our cats' food
2. Invitation to write an article from Professor Emeritus Alex C. Michalos, Editor in Chief for Encyclopedia of Quality of Life Research (Springer).
3. I received a message from the Dewan Bahasa Pustaka Editor that was working on my book: "Your book has been published!" Just waiting for launching ma...may be in USM Campus Penang, or may be in Parliament Lobby.
4. Even though, this morning I felt unwell with pain in my left hip and lower back, I am now feeling so well and so good. Probably the reason is that I eventually made the walk to Onco Clinic to ask for some investingations. While I was there, I met a patient who had breast cancer in 2003 but came back with recurrence in left hip and lower back. She is on palliative chemo and her symptom was exactly like mine for one year before the metastasis was picked up by PET scan. So, the nurse took my blood for RFT, LFT, cholesterol and cell counts and a cancer marker. I left my folder for the Onco doctor to fill in the request form for Bone Scan and Liver Ultrasound. I returned to my clinic and cleared about 20 patients this morning in my Wednesday clinic.
5. I was able to resist the temptation of eating while accompanying hubby for breakfast and the varieties of food along the way back to my office...to continue on with Muharam fasting.

Now, I am sitting and making entry, while reflecting on the advices and scolding I gave to my patients, this morning, in my Wednesday Clinic.

I love to work in Wednesday Clinic, because it is a buzy clinic .....and I have been helpful, I hope.

Don't let others mess around with your energy

2011-11-29T14:35:00.001+08:00

Have you come across a masseur who burped air while massaging? I am not aware whether it occured in other cultures, but the traditional Malay masseurs will give a series of burping whenever they hit or massage problem areas in their clients.

There seemed not an explanation in modern medicine but this is not strange in the realm of energy medicine. In energy healing, a healer could either see, feel or sense energy, and when they sensed the bad energy, they either could move it or soak it up and toss it into the atmosphere and I guess burping is a way of releasing the bad energy.

So, I’ve been to a healing center, Qalbun Salim in Taman Sabariah, Kota Bharu, Kelantan, and the female masseur had burped to near exhaustion on massaging my left hip and leg. What happened was I had a bad hip and back, and managed to stabilize the pain with my own method. The massage had probably destabilized the muscles and I am again suffering ache and pain in my left hip and back. When this happened, it reminded me that I was once destabilized after a spiritual energy healing workshop. During the workshop the amateur healer (after learning the “how to” in 1 hour) had scanned and extracted my so called bad energy and replaced with a better one.

Strange things happened. After the session she (the amateur healer) was troubled with burping and while she was putting energy into me, I actually could sense a vibrational feeling at the back of my head. It left me with subtle restlessness for almost a couple of months. When she asked why she started to burp after trying a session of healing on me, the moderator of the workshop told her that she has the talent of being a healer. However the session left me feeling unsettled.

So now I am afraid to go and have a repeat massage and is now busy opening my references on energy healing and incorporating my own spiritual elements into it. Well, it is not easy. As a good start I think, on touching and massaging certain parts of my body, I too burped out. Some days, there was lots of burping, some days it was just one or two only. I did wonder what happened or what damage or good the wind did to my body if I do not release it by pressing on certain points in my body. Whatever it is, I am getting better at self-tapping/massage and self-burping. I am also practicing on Tutti, my favorite cat, ha ha.

The best healer in town is actually your own body, thus you must help it to perform at its optimum capacity.....give it the best fuel and don't clog it up with cheap grease...and make sure you energize it daily with physical activities and prayers.

Juz when I need the Juz'

2011-11-25T17:37:00.004+08:00

Don't know when I bought it, but it was there, 30 Juzu', in individual booklet.

Synchronising my the recitation with Shaikh Abd AL-Basit

In the spirit of Hijrah; I am hosting Nicole Queen
and her blogspot.

Blame no one

2011-11-24T08:32:00.005+08:00

I thought I wanted to be independent of Quran CD and read straight from the book of Allah. I got myself a Quran with big letters. As a person illiterate to Arabic letters, figures and words, I thought I’ll be spending the whole of last third of the night searching for my Juz’, but Subhanallah, with just the intention, the Quran again opened to the page wherein Juz’ 20 started. So, you may want to know what benefits/indications I’ve gathered from practicing what I feel as my Juz’ are? Besides having the name of my hubby inside it is, there are two phrases out of the Juz that I really feel like a direct messages to me; the reminders:

1. Read Al-Quran
2. Perfrom prayers.

I often was neglectful of the first and often delayed the second.

Other than that, I realised that I am a different person than what I was decades ago. I realised that I am supposed to be awake during the last half or third of the night, and that answered the diurnal variation of my blood pressure. On being awake at that time, my blood pressure is better controlled in the normal range. I had difficulty accepting this, even having had the realization earlier on, but since reading my Juz, I had come to term with it. Suddenly, priorities are renewed and I am submitting to losing wonderful time in slumber.

Though at the moment I have many things that I do not like, it is very difficult to feel dissatisfied. The main reason why I feel satisfaction at the maximum 10 is that now, I got nothing to blame. Before the practice of reading my Juz, I tends to blame myself daily (luckily I was not the type who blame my mother or my parents). I blamed myself when I was feeling heavy and full with food, I blamed myself when I missed to exercise, I blamed myself for blaming myself.....On reading the Juz regularly, I have nothing to blame and to be dissatisfied with myself.

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the prime minister. You realize that you control your own destiny.” –Dr. Albert Ellis, psychologist

True, but a person can still end-up in blaming herself, especially if she realised that she failed to take control of herself. A better way to reduce dissatisfaction in life is to estimate your feeling about a situation in your life right now and rate it from 1 (where 1 is “I’m the least satisfied about the situation”) and 10 (where 10 is “I’m the most satisfied.”

A. If you rated your situation as 1, please skip to C
B. Then, if you didn’t score a 1, write down what you’re doing (as many things as your can think of) that cause you to rate your level of satisfaction at the number you scored and not lower.
C. What would be the first tiny signs that your satisfaction has increased by one point? Think carefully and write down as many things as you can.
D. In light of what you’ve written above, what are the fist small steps your could take in the next day to in your satisfaction with this situation?
E. Begin to take some of the actions you’ve listed in D. Start to notice times when you are a little more satisfied, and build on whatever you’re doing that helps you.

Ref: [Solutions Focus Technique from “Happy for No Reason”by Marci Shimoff]You may want to try the exercise. I realised that after reading my Juz, I actually has no complaint about myself personally – though I am an active complainer in my organization, for complaining there is actually being caring and concerned about others and the set-up.

Quranic Energy Healing

2011-11-19T20:27:00.002+08:00

I don't know whether this is the right Juz'; somehow it brings back my energy and suppressed my appetite. Alhamdullillah. I will continue reading all the 30 Juz' ....and re-evaluate, for the moment, I'll try to read this at least 3x or more in a week. Each one of us has his/her own Juz...try searching for yours.

Nasi Dagang in 12 minutes

2011-11-19T17:21:00.001+08:00

I must have returned to my premorbid self, for today, suddenly I had enough enthusiasm to prepare Nasi Dagang. Even if it was done with the pressure cooker, the outcome was still Nasi Dagang, enough to be given to neighbours.

I wonder what brought the change, could it be from what I found?

Is it 20?

2011-11-18T18:36:00.006+08:00

It was 15th November, in the studio in Boulevard Hotel, Mid Valley City, Kuala Lumpur. Boulevard is a popular hotel, the standard rooms are always unavailable, similarly with the executive deluxe rooms, when booking is done late.

For liking Boulevard so much, I paid the extra above what is eligible to my salary. I completed my duties in HUKM early, thus after sampling the tea spread in the executive lounge, I returned to my studio and sat by the window. As the hotel is situated near the railways, I could see the ERL and the commuters passing by. I thought that I would read the Quran from the beginning and try to detect the Juz' that is congruent with me. I was thinking that surely I will be mislead by my favorite surahs, e.g. Ar Rahman, Al-Mulk or Ya-Sin, Suhanallah, the Quran opened to surah Al-'Ankabut (the surah that gave much comfort while receiving chemo in 2006), and tracing the Juzu that include the verses that vibrates with my heart beats, I came to realised that it was actually Juz' 20.

I maintained my place by the window, waiting for hubby to reach the hotel as he took the 4.50pm flight from KB. I saw the ERL that he was in and at that moment I was reading the closing of the Juzu, about the story of Shu'aib. Actually Shu'aib was mentioned at the beginning and closing of the Juzu, and there I was, closing the Quran after reading and studying the translation of Juzu 20 to completion, reaching for the studio's key to go down and fetch my Shuib.

This working trip to KL was so full of lessons. I visited my friend's mansion by the hillside near Zoo Negara and appreciated what is sustenance and life match is all about; Allah is working in everything for the benefit of those who love Him, that for those who are obliged according to His plan. Hence, it is good to pause and reflect, disrobing our Egos and try to understand on what our lives are trying to teach and guide us.

I suffered extreme fatigue while waiting for the flight home and on reaching home at 8 pm, immediately fall asleep, with blood pressure 90/60 mmHg, missing my Subuh prayer and woke up to lots of watery stool. It was like something bad was getting out of my system.

However, today, even with the watery stool and poor appetite, I found a new lightness and energy and cooked and cleaned the house. Have I found my Juzu Diri? I read it again just now.....

Searching for 1 out of 30

2011-11-14T21:06:00.000+08:00

When this kind of thought takes center stage in my mind, then I know for sure that this blog will not get new entry for a while, and I may not be dropping comments in the face book, either mine or hubby's.

Haahh...this is not the complication from eating too much of DIY Kimchi, but more to making ways for a search that is yet to begin, soon. I hope. All my free time will be reserved for the search and to be able to identify what I'm searching for, I've got to limit as much distraction as possible . I can't avoid travelling and taking part as examiner in the conjoint examinations that will begin tomorrow, I still have to keep some time to prepare for my publications and presentations, but I will definitely spend the rest of my time in the search...the search for the special juz' out of the 30 Ajiza', that is congruent with everything about myself. I will not be getting any help other than Allah's help, and I have to do it on my own.

I pray that I will receive guidance from Allah and that what I found will heal me of my current ailments.

Below is a listing of the 30 Ajiza' of the Qur’an: Click here for the reference.

•Juz’ 1 – Al Fatiha 1 – Al Baqarah 141 (1:1-2:141)

•Juz’ 2 – Al Baqarah 142 - Al Baqarah 252 (2:142-2:252)

•Juz’ 3 – Al Baqarah 253 - Al Imran 92 (2:253-3:92)

•Juz’ 4 – Al Imran 93 - An Nisaa 23 (3:93-4:23)

•Juz’ 5 – An Nisaa 24 - An Nisaa 147 (4:24-4:147)

•Juz’ 6 – An Nisaa 148 - Al Ma’idah 81 (4:148-5:81)

•Juz’ 7 – Al Ma’idah 82 - Al An’am 110 (5:82-6:110)

•Juz’ 8 – Al An’am 111 - Al A’raf 87 (6:111-7:87)

•Juz’ 9 – Al A’raf 88 - Al Anfal 40 (7:88-8:40)

•Juz’ 10 – Al Anfal 41 - At Tauba 92 (8:41-9:92)

•Juz’ 11 – At Tauba 93 - Hud 5 (9:93-11:5)

•Juz’ 12 – Hud 6 - Yusuf 52 (11:6-12:52)

•Juz’ 13 – Yusuf 53 – Ibrahim 52 (12:53-14:52)

•Juz’ 14 – Al Hijr 1 – An Nahl 128 (15:1-16:128)

•Juz’ 15 – Al Isra (or Bani Isra’il) 1 - Al Kahf 74 (17:1-18:74)

•Juz’ 16 – Al Kahf 75 – Ta Ha 135 (18:75-20:135)

•Juz’ 17 – Al Anbiyaa 1 - Al Hajj 78 (21:1-22:78)

•Juz’ 18 – Al Muminum 1 - Al Furqan 20 (23:1-25:20)

•Juz’ 19 – Al Furqan 21 - An Naml 55 (25:21-27:55)

•Juz’ 20 – An Naml 56 - Al Ankabut 45 (27:56-29:45)

•Juz’ 21 – Al Ankabut 46 - Al Azhab 30 (29:46-33:30)

•Juz’ 22 – Al Azhab 31 - Ya Sin 27 (33:31-36:27)

•Juz’ 23 – Ya Sin 28 - Az Zumar 31 (36:28-39:31)

•Juz’ 24 – Az Zumar 32 - Fussilat 46 (39:32-41:46)

•Juz’ 25 – Fussilat 47 - Al Jathiya 37 (41:47-45:37)

•Juz’ 26 – Al Ahqaf 1 - Az Zariyat 30 (46:1-51:30)

•Juz’ 27 – Az Zariyat 31 - Al Hadid 29 (51:31-57:29)

•Juz’ 28 – Al Mujadila 1 – At Tahrim 12 (58:1-66:12)

•Juz’ 29 – Al Mulk 1 - Al Mursalat 50 (67:1-77:50)

•Juz’ 30 – An Nabaa 1 - An Nas 6 (78:1-114:6)

Those who are interested and wanted a short cut to the juz' may want to get help from an Ustaz [I asked about the "self-juz" (Juzu Diri) from that Ustaz and in an indirect way he suggested that I go find on my own with a tip or two]; for sure that the search will place me on a journey with many blessed returns. InsyaAllah.

If I failed, I'll go and ask the Ustaz once more. My Aunt said that she paid a fee of RM150.

Ration for this week

2011-11-13T12:56:00.004+08:00

Soaking in water with vinegar; later to be spinkled with sea salt

The write up will come later...
In the image: 2 heads of Napa cabbage (Brassica rapa subsp. pekinensis), also known as celery cabbage, is a type of Chinese cabbage, 1 Daikon Radish, 2 heads of Pak Choy in the red basin; and in the other container, 2 leeks, and 1 bunch of green onions.

Misplaced Annoyance

2011-11-09T11:56:00.004+08:00

Working as a clinical specialist has its perks, especially so when you have a secure income from the government and at the same time you could spend a couple or more hours seeing and treating patients in a private setting.

I see a lot of benefits to both parties, to the doctors and patients, especially so patients who could afford a costly consultation. However, in psychiatry it is a bit questionable as the outcomes from the consultations do not immediately results in improvement. Much of the benefits came after a successful meeting with the psychiatrist, and the patients being consciously or unconsciously negotiated into accepting his or her condition and subsequently practicing the coaching given, as well as taking the prescribed medication.

Thus, I was displeased when a patient that came all the way from Kuala Lumpur to get a 6th opinion from this Kampong Psychiatrist (the consultation was conducted in a Kampong, with sumptuous durian buffet) related to me the behavior of the 5th psychiatrist.

My patient was late 5 minutes for the appointment and it was too apparent that the psychiatrist was upset (probably the psychiatrist was worried that the patient will take more precious time) and curtly asked her the problem. Nothing much came from the psychiatrist mouth, and that confirmed the patient’s thought that psychiatrists do not talk much. However, what irritated her was that there was nearly nil eye contact. After 23 minutes the diagnosis was given based on some subjective criteria. That consultation (medication separate charge) with not a tiny bit of counseling cost her RM300 (presumably the patient was also charged for the 5 minutes) and a unresolved bitterness towards the said psychiatrist!

Wow….the patient who herself is a doctor imitated to me the verbal as well as the non-verbal communication of the psychiatrist. I used to think that a psychiatrist will be at her or his best with paying patients. Apparently not, or are there too many rich people in Kuala Lumpur that need attention from psychiatrist that the psychiatrist could afford to be such a pain.......To add to the pain, that psychiatrist had given a wrong diagnosis and drug for the patient! That is why I don’t go and do private practice. I believe there is a lot of hazards from the curses that came from suffering patients.

Well, of course this is an isolated case. Why am I writing this? This is to remind psychiatrists or psychiatrist to be, to be true to our profession, for we are to help people, and not to add to the distress of those people that paid for our service? Come on, money is not above everything. Do stop to think or reflect, for things come in full circle. Whatever shit you toss on people, it will hit you either directly or indirectly at other times, may be not you but your beloved son or daughter.

This patient later paid flight tickets for the whole family and stayed in the best hotel in KB. I felt such connectedness with my creator when I realized that the circle of kindness have been perfected when she and her family flew back to Kuala Lumpur. I managed to give consultation to her satisfaction and referred her to a spiritual healer that consolidated her awareness or insight to the dynamic of her unattainable well-being. In spite of all the RMs she has in this world, she is yet to enjoy the state of well-being. The circle of kindness actually started more than two decades ago, while I was in year 3 medical school in University Malaya. She was the angel in the green car that stopped by the Wisma Pandu Puteri (about 5-7 km away from the medical faculty) every day to take me to class. The angel that opened her hospitality during weekends so that I don’t missed home, good food and good companies.

In my life, there were many times when such angels came and saved me from possible tragedies and suffering. I have a lot of limitations in helping people, for there are many times when I dearly wished to help, but prohibited by my limitations. However, I tried hard not to add anguish or distress to people, for if I can’t be an angel that returned people's kindness, I pray to Allah that I will not be a brute or a beast. I just wonder what the psychiatrist did with the extra money earned from the private wing. What earned from the regular salary is actually enough to contribute a large sum to zakat and voluntary contribution to the needy. Would such a psychiatrist be able to do that? Yes, we are referring to a Muslim psychiatrist here, or are we not? If I judge a book by its cover, then probably not. However, I have faith that Allah will help those who are deserving, and I pray that this one will be included in Allah's mercy, for this one is also my friend.

Kalu aku kata ......

2011-11-06T21:08:00.009+08:00

..... Melayu bodoh, rasa macam tak politically correct. Aku jarang tulis dalam bahasa Melayu, bukan aku rasa aku tak cukup Melayu, tapi aku dah cukup pening dengan usaha menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu untuk penerbitan DBP. So, aku sebenarnya tulis Inggeris untuk rilek-rilek aje.

.....tapi hari nih aku tulis dalam bahasa ibunda, sebab aku suka sangat hari ini. Sebab aku suka ialah aku jumpa BLOG INI....yang tulis panjang lebar tentang orang-orang yang suka ambil kesempatan ke atas orang sakit kronik, terutama sakit kanser.

.....yang muktakhir jus MonaVie...mula aku dengar pun aku teringat kat Mona Fendi. Aku risau juga sebab ramai orang yang cerdik dok telan HERBALIFE, termasuk anak sedara dan rakan doktor, doktor pakar pong. Ada yang jadi penjual. Tengok dan baca habis ya, ada Alphalipid, ada Transfer factor, ada USANA, banyak lagi la. Yang paling teruk, ada doktor swasta dan tak swasta, yang manipulasi pesakit untuk membeli produk yang seumpamanya yang dia juga turut jadi jurujual atau pengedar. Ramai juga doktor yang jadi agen AMWAY, tak malu pula tu bila cuba nak jual atau nak cari downline dengan kita, mentang-mentang kita ada kanser.

----ingat lagi dulu semasa suami selesai menjalani pembedahan kanser kolon, masa tengah pening-pening dalam recovery room, ada doktor bius dan staf nurse bius yang datang nak jual jus manggis..aku kata kat laman rumah aku manggis bersepah-sepah...ada ker dia jawab macam ni: "kalu ambil kulit maggis tanpa di proses akan bengkak bibir." Ada pula doktor pakar yang betul-betul desperate, tak segan silu cuba menjual panty liner yang berangin tu!

....so, tolong baca la blog yang aku rekomen ni...tengok LABEL KAT SEBELAH KANAN BLOG.......AMWAY pun ada...macam-macam yang orang suka jual ke pesakit kanser ada kat situ.

.....kepada penulis blog, terima kasih banyak-banyak, anda tentu telah menghabiskan banyak masa menkaji dan menulis. Sebenarnya, saya dah penat dok bagi tahu ke pesakit saya yang kolostrum lembu tu hanya baik untuk anak lembu sahaja. Syabas, moga Tuhan membalas jasa baik anda. Amin.

About energy and herb

2011-11-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

Physical overload and emotional overcharge are counterparts in our energy system and can be treated at that level. I finally found a spot on my neck that could release all the trapped 'wind' and hopefully get rid of blocked or deranged energy.

Energy disturbance showed up in pain, exhaustion and agitation or simply withdrawal and fatigue. Those who are sensitive suffer easily and turned into a state of vulnerability. The little ache and pains of daily life are signals from our body. It is the body's way of asking for attention. Could be very dramatic. Nevertheless, it is a super blessing. I am not going to dull or remove the pain with analgesia.

Only last night, I was in a state of disharmony and on top of that a dream that was too vivid, too colourful and too meaningful to be dismissed. Every time a new shocking dream came into my sleep, I forgot the earlier dreams that provided guidance

Moringa oleifera

I thought I keep to pilates after work, but knowing that my old friend is coming from KL tomorrow, had to do urgent vacuuming and moping.

However, I will not miss going to the farmer's market tomorrow in search of Moringa oleifera. I am bored with the usual greens and will buy some leaves and try to get a cutting, so that I can plant the tree by the side of my backyard fence. Read here for details. When I rented the university's bungalow when first started here, there were two trees behind the house. The leaves are delicious when fried in omelets, and the fruits make the curry very much tastier.

However, when I asked a relative to find me a cutting, he said it is not for the ladies. I wonder why....though, usually when Malay men give that kind of hanging statement associated with women...then it sure like 90% having to do with sex.

Getting a dose of my own medicine

2011-10-31T17:40:00.005+08:00

I received the proof of my book for instant and final correction. Instant because there will be four days holiday before the dateline on 7th November 2011.

So, a day EL tomorrow, and just see how much weight I've got to remove to get working with the laptop.

On reading the proof I realised again and again, how much I've neglected all the good practices few years after my breast cancer. On first writing it, I referred many sources of information on breast cancer and I was informed. On rewriting it, I revised and reinforced my practices. On editing it the second time about 18 months ago I recollected the practices I forgot. On third editing about a year ago, it saved me from clinical recurrence.

Now, on final editing, I regained a new insight and a resolution not to miss my daily pilates or Qigong session. But first back to the final correction......

Look who's talking

2011-10-29T21:26:00.006+08:00

Image from The Star 29 Oct 2011; read article HERE

The above is pretty decorative, am I not right?

Okay, a bit about my experience. Somebody the other day in a verbal reminder told me not to reveal "our" weakness. I still can't say whether it was poor insight or denial or plain ego on the part of the person who was giving the reminder.

For me, if we are so bad and weak, and when people threw it on our face, we really got to listen, especially so when so many people were saying it. When the weakness has implication on people that came to us for training, then we really have to examine the feedback and if it is true, then we have to admit and do something about it. Many people who reported back have weak ego and they easily named me as the star Exposé. "Hasanah said", "Hasanah yang kata." I don't have to go far from home ground to hear about the story of the Pak Lebai Malang dengan kotaknya, di sini tak dapat, di sana pun tak dapat. Bukan saya yang bikin cerita, tetapi begitu la yang didengar. Saya rasa kesian juga. Saya serik la, lepas ni saya tak nak respon, nanti orang kata yang saya kata atau bikin cerita.

We work with numbers and strength. When a person is dreaming to move to a future isle, his or her absence is felt. When people tell you a joke, naturally you will laugh, am I not right? And when they drew attention to our sorry state of affair, we have to sober up and not to avoid. We are the people who should know that avoidance reinforces the weakness.

So strange...it is really a bad ego?... Come on......if you're bad you are bad, if you're fat you are fat and if you're dead you won't be able to voluntarily enter this blog (though you may still able to hover over some body's shoulder to read this, if this blog happened to be a major attraction to you).

I'll be very happy if people say I am not good. That is a real opportunity for me to change for the better. However it is a major upset to me, if I know people talked about me being unavailable, disloyal and not interested.

I may be bad, but I am not disloyal. I raised my sarong because I care. This is a place I've worked with three others (letting go of my own chance to be trained in UK), when the rest went away to get better qualifications, and though I yearned to work on the soil of my birth state, I'll stick around till a decent retirement age regardless of how unappreciative people are towards me.

I know many of my students read this. Please tell me how I could improve as a teacher, but remember, I can't cover people who are absent when they are present or failed to act their roles.

So, lets break the hardness of the ego...it was Deepavali a few days ago, and we are on second day of Dhul Hijjah. Let's not live in future isle and face the reality and give our best for today. Be present.

Friday, me, you and BOBOY

2011-10-28T16:34:00.001+08:00

Sometime when one of us changed, we wonder and speculate on the reason. Between human and animal, probably the later is more perceptive of what is still unknown and unseen by us.

Life is like that, we don't know what comes next, we could only hope and pray for the best.

and publish post.....

Desperado

2011-10-27T13:06:00.006+08:00

We tend to forget unpleasant state or experience, or maybe, we still remember, but without the exact feeling and distress.

I had almost forgotten that from April to September this year, I was not well. I could not walk far without pain in left hip and spine. The trip to KL during the conference in Traders Hotel, I was limping. At one stage I was going for a PET scan, but had it postponed due to other commitments. It was exam season in May, followed by various conferences in June and July. While in KL for the examination in May, I only stayed in hotel room after work. As another examination season is coming soon, I am taking stock and reflecting on my ups and downs in fitness and health.

I am now relatively okay largely due to the training preparation for the marathon on 1st October 2011. However the pain is recurring and the elongated nodule in the remaining left breast tissue is palpable again. When pain and disabilities ceased to be my companion, I forgot and live like those without cancer. Forgetting to eat consciously and to commit myself to an exercise and stretching routines.

The rainy season is back, thus opportunity for jogging is reduced. I have to substitute with other training modules and pretend of an upcoming physical endurance competition. Two weeks prior to the mini marathon, I climbed 5 flights of stairs to my office and ward about three times each day, but since the run, I had been using the elevators.

I realised that I have to be desperate to maintain a satisfactory fitness level and state of well-being. The following story from a book on Sufism [Essential Sufism; Edited by James Fadiman & Robert Frager is my medicine that I like to share with my blog readers.

An ailing king summoned a physician-sage to treat his illness. The sage refused to come. The king had his soldiers seize the physician and bring him to the palace.

The King said, "I have brought you here because I am suffering from a strange paralysis. If you cure me, I will reward you. If not, I will kill you."

The physician said, "In order to treat you, I need complete privacy." So the king send everyone out of the room. Then the physician took out a knife and said, "Now I shall take my revenge for your threatening me." He advanced on the king. Terrified, the king jumped up and ran around the room, forgetting his paralysis in his need to escape the seemingly crazed physician.

The sage fled the palace one step ahead of the guards. The king never realized that he had been cured by the only method that could have been effective.

My coach during the 1st October 6 km run above,
and below: his love and mine.

Let the eye of your heart be opened that you may see the spirit and behold invisible things.

If you set your face toward the region where Love reigns, you will see the whole universe laid out as a rose garden. What you see, your heart will wish to have, and what your heart seeks to possess, that you will see. I f you penetrate to the middle of each mote in the sunbeams, you will find a sun within.

Give all that you possess to Love. If your spirit is dissolved in the flames of Love, you will see that Love is the alchemy for spirit.

You will journey beyond the narrow limitations of time and place and will pass into the infinite spaces of the Divine World. What ear has not heard, that you will hear, and what no eye has seen, you shall behold. Finally, you shall be brought to that high Abode, where you will see One only, beyond the world and all worldly creatures. To that One you shall devote the love of both heart and soul until, with the eye that knows no doubt, you will see plainly that “One is and there is nothing save
God alone.”

Ahmad Hatif

FAKE it and be REAL

2011-10-25T22:02:00.007+08:00

If you don’t feel it, fake it!
You’ve read the sentence above and chances are more for a thought about female sexual response. Should I rephrase? Here goes; “Fake it till you make it.” If you are frowning, unhappy, and don’t feel like smiling, smile anyway. Just smile, grin from ear to ear.

It is not worth being unhappy and angry. If you’re like me, you are likely to turn to food, as food seemed to numb the feeling. A feeling that is numbed is likely to stay longer. The excess calories and the increase in weight will only worsen the anguish.

So, in my case, I have been angry since yesterday and today I was livid when DH was enraged with the men from the furniture shop, commanding the boss to come stat to our home. I was trying hard to maintain my cool in spite of fuming inside. I apologized to the Chinese boss, and he was such a charm; “Don’t put to heart doctor, this thing is very normal” Such reassurance, he was so forgiving, evaporating my irritation, and I found him to be so healing. He smiled wisely at me. After too much preoccupation with drug talks, I seemed to forget my NLP practices. The furniture boss will be a good anchor to cool down my anger in future.

From that experience, my summary is:

No matter what crap life throws your way, don’t take it too seriously. Life goes on regardless, there’s no sense wasting time being angry or sad about it.

However much anger you invest in someone’s behavior or an incident, it or he/she won’t change until they are ready to change. Be smart, while smiling and happy, and let others catch sight of your intellect hidden behind your smile.

FORGIVE YOURSELF FIRST AND THEN FORGIVE THE WORLD.
CORRECT YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE CORRECTING OTHERS.

When DH asked me whether the custom made furniture was worth the RM2,900 charged by the Chinese boss, I said; “Yes, of course!”

Durian Diet

2011-10-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

All the durians kept me fit and energetic while travelling the last three days. The preparation for the marathon on 1st October is also having quite a lasting effects. This morning, during the launching of Saphris (ascenaprine) in Le Meridien Kuala Lumpur, another senior psychiatrist commented that I looked "sihat."

As "sihat" is a well used euphemism for being overweight and obese, I checked with her the real meaning of her comment. She said her "sihat" was the actual "sihat," meaning healthy and fit looking. How wonderful the feedback, and I just can't wait for the weekend to resume my running.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to give a talk in Seminar Sambutan Hari Kesihatan Mental 2011 in Health Campus USM and since returning from KL this evening, I am still thinking and haven't begin making slides for my talk: "Mengembeleng Kekuatan Luaran dan Dalam Diri Untuk Kesihatan Mental." Well, may be after this entry.. the idea will flow....

The fruit that fears height

2011-10-18T21:47:00.056+08:00

One day I was asked why the durian fruits fall at night. Trying hard for a scientific answer, I told the person that the reason is because of the changes in temperature and stalk's gets detached from the branch as its volume changes . The answer given by the person make me realised that it was all about a joke. "Durian takut nak jatuh waktu siang." (The durian fruits were afraid of dropping in day time). So much for acrophobic durians!

Many people do not realised that durian is not the fruit to eat before attending gathering or meeting in a room with more than one people. With high carbohydrate and fat content, durian as a dessert is bound to bring out a belch at a time most embarrassing to the eater. The gas from belching after eating durian is very unlike flatus that permeated and hinted its unpleasant yet imperceptible source of odour in the most subtle manner until everybody except the one that leak the gas felt uncomfortable with the idea of reference. Usually, the real offender will look most poised.

The one who belched the gaseous product from a meal of durian will instantaneously hit his or her sitting neighbours with the overpowering smell, the intensity is to such an extent that those sitting in proximity will turn and look at the culprit. Having had first hand experience on my own, even the one belching is being taken back by the foul odour and that presumably is less overwhelming than smelling the rot from someone else gastrointestinal tract.

That is why I only eat durian at night, together with my spouse, so that one is not guilty of inundating the other with belching. Fair and square. I will not repeat the health benefits of durian here as you can read it by going to this website. It actually lowers your cholesterol and elevates your depression.

Malaysians especially the Malays however, intentionally add adverse effects to durians in the way they eat the fruits. Durian is already high in carbohydrate and fat, and they eat the fruit with thick coconut milk, sugar and glutinous rice. If you eat too much of that, it is best to check how much a consultation in IJN will cost you. As I have about five durian trees in my house compound, the fruits of the variety that remind you of eating a custard as if made in heaven.

Durian from our durian trees

Now, with this blessing falling with no fear of height and absolutely decadent, only fools will avoid the self-indulgence, even with the threat of cancer reactivation, because there were a few Chinese patients who swore that durian was the perpetrator that results in their cancer recurrence.

After enjoying durian meals for few days, I discovered that durian diet in its proper way helps in reducing my tummy fat and weight! Hey, this is a durian testimonial and if you want to follow, do it at your own risk.

As last night I woke up at 2 am to do a consultation work on my own...I am too sleepy to carry on....and will continue after coming back from Langkawi and KL.

I took 10 of those in the image, about 2 cups of heavenly raw custard, with estimated 600 calories per cup, meaning 1200 calories, and I could predict tomorrow my weight will either be the same or less.

And guess what? I am auto-inundating myself...hikk....

Neuroticism of the blog owner

2011-10-17T00:17:00.004+08:00

The KB--Kuala Kerai--Gua Musang roads are always busy, mainly because they are the main roads for drivers from and to Kuala Lumpur via the Gua Musang way. The roads have only two lanes and are narrow, with hardly any overtaking lane. Thus, a lorry with a heavy load will crawl and likely to be having a tail of other creeping vehicles. Overtaking is hazardous, when vehicles keep coming on the on coming lane. These roads are notorious for motor vehicle accidents.

It was an exceptionally stressful journey when ther driver happens to be an impatient and unrealised formula 1 racer. It was pretty traumatic if the passenger was a neurotic and overcritical person. It made the situation especially terrifying if the passenger had a dream two nights before the journey that the grave digger that she has for a neighbour materialised in her dream, handing her a square block of freshly dug earth and left her alone and the grave digger departed with the said driver.

All the above was probably working in her mind subconsciously and neurotic as can be she removed her blog from public view. It seemed so urgent that she did that in between her classes and on her way home from office, she really gave a serious thought, that if really the drive to and fro to Cameron Highland will be her last drive, what shall be the pros and cons of the blog being left as they are? She realised that the blogs are best left to the public and e mails were soon confirming her unfounded fear or worries about her blog.

So, the owner of the blog was at peace but still very terrified when before the journey the driver kept dropping the plates and bowls for his cats. The driver was a hot blooded compassionate soul, where neuroticism was only limited to his 9 cats. The driver and the blog owner have been suffering from a bad flu, and the cough mixture as well as the antihistamine had clouded his mind and motor reflexes. Even though he omitted his morning medicine, it was quite apparent that he was still high on drugs that disturbed his neurotransmitters prior to the race.

So, the blog owner was too thankful when their friend text messaged that she was praying Dhuha prayer for safety of both, and the organizer’s personnel was very concerned too. When they reached their destination, the driver was adamant that the car should not move another inch further than Equatorial Hotel, because he was not entertaining any possibility or plausibility of mixing his car’s fuel with other low quality brand. That was possibly a form of neuroticism, but she guessed it was more of an Avangarde narcissism. Eventually, there was no other activity whilst waiting to deliver the dinner symposium other than to go and eat as much strawberries with cream and ice cream, and it rained a good and proper rain just as they returned to the hotel. Thus, the blog owner could only dream of the Smoke House with the juiciest steak and the Englishest breakfast at the same above sea-level in Malaysia.

The dinner symposium was about another trait that requires taming. You see, people have to wait till their buffet dinner reach the same temperature of the highland for the price of their dinner. The blog owner has the entitlement of deciding how much waiting time and boredom the participants and VIP guests had to endure. The ability to talk simply and engagingly i.e. in slow and hoarse voice about brain neurotransmitter and receptors was cultivated with the virulent virus that quite lastingly paid homage to her respiratory tract (the colleague who donated the virus ended up with pneumonia and low haemoglobin) and it seemed that the blog owner and the unrealised formula 1 driver were two tough systems of immune cells, thanks to Chris Teo’s herb (the driver) and to Cendawan Susu Harimau and South African Leaves for the blog owner. Well, of course the common factor for both of them was the durian.

The CH-Gua Musang-Kuala Kerai-KB journey home showed a fresh MVA with the motorcyclist dripping blood from the face and head under the hot sun, awaiting for the ambulance. Kuala Kerai to KB was worst part as people from KL have had a long and tiring drive and they were just thinking of their home and other things sweet and welcoming in the homes. So, it didn’t help when there were local vehicles taking a cruise on the road, one or two texting messages on their mobiles, one was admiring his beard in the rear view mirror and one simply looking dreamy while picking his nose.

So, the formula 1 driver was scolding and gritting his teeth and managed to give dirty looks while jamming alternatively on the gas and brake, overtaking 4 to 5 cars and lorries at a time. The blog owner was holding to her seat and scolding and gritting her teeth and giving dirty look at the formula 1 driver. They agreed that that the Kuala Kerai road was too much stress to them and took a detour via the road leading to Pasir Puteh, and exit via the small Alur Hijau road to the road from Pasir Puteh to Pasir Tumbuh. Upon reaching Villa Teratai, the unrealised formula 1 driver transformed into a charming gentleman and thanked his co-pilot endearingly addressing her with the so appropriate and loving words.

It was just passed the call for Zohor prayer and being so in gratitude to the Almighty, the blog owner said that prayer should be the first “must do”. So, the F1 driver turned into charming hubby and went up to unlock the doors and the blog owner was least expecting another bout of words best left undescribed. It seemed the stupid lock was playing up again, and since inhabiting the house that was probably the 6th lock that got jammed. The fifth one had the hubby and his Siamese helper on their knees with the electric cutter and screw drivers of all sizes for two hours. So, understanding the frustration of the F1 driver, the blog owner gently gave a sermon that the problem was such a blessing if compared with an undesired ordeal on the road and the ensuing misery. So, the blog owner told her F1 driver to think and act like an expert robber and in less than 10 minutes she could kneel down on her prayer mat, feeling the blessing from her Creator.

We forget easily. Soon, the F1 driver would be taking his neurotic co-pilot to other speaking assignments and the cycle of fear-accomplishment-blessing will repeat itself yet again and again.

Regretting too soon

2011-10-13T20:33:00.003+08:00

In the afternoon, a detachment bug got the better of me and I changed the setting of this blog to private and accessible to myself only. The real reason that motivated me to do so was the thought of "what if I die today?"

Then people told me that my blog helped them because their doctors don't give advices in similar manner. Okay, let this blog be a garden, with fruit and flowering trees that bear medicinal fruits and flowers for you, and for me.

I am still having wheezing and hoping that I'll reach Cameron Highland safely tomorrow and able to deliver a good talk in the dinner symposium, titled: Depression and schizophrenia:Recognition and treatment.

Bipolar Disorders - Part 1

2011-10-07T18:38:00.002+08:00

I delivered a talk for a Pharma sponsored CME in Nuclear Auditorium, Hospital Universiti Sains Malaysia yesterday. The lecture was given in a painful rasp voice with some breathlessness due to a mild asthmatic attack, that followed an upper respiratory tract infection.

Today, the asthma is much worse with terrible coughing and I am trying to overcome the malaise so that I could prepare my next talk -"Schizophrenia & Depression"- for another Pharma company, on 16th October 2011. These talks won't get me rich, but a good way for me to read up current literature on the topics that I need to deliver. I hope to share with the public by putting up the slides here and try to write a simple narrations on the slides, so that those who suffer the condition may know more about it, and probably seek treatment.

Bipolar depression is of various degree in severity and many in the population suffered the condition. It is the depression in people who had history of mania and hypomania. Many people only suffered depression and they are said to suffer unipolar depression. However, many unipolar convert to bipolar in the course of their illness. It is said that about 20-40% unipolar depression convert to bipolar.

Diagnosing bipolar depression is challenging, largely because, in many persons they don't think that what they are experiencing is depression. Of course severe depression and mania is easy to pick up, largely because the severe mood changes are definitely causing socio-occupational dysfunctions. What is difficult is identifying the subsyndromal depression and the hypomania. Subsydromal depression may in the long run cause scholastic and occupational failures, or ongoing battles in marriage that may result in divorce.

Hypomania on the other hand is adaptive and a person may be at peak performance during the hypomanic episodes. I'll end this entry with the slides on features of depression, mania and hypomania as in DSM-IV.

Am I the dog or the rabbit?

2011-10-02T20:54:00.002+08:00

A new design! The theme that is close to my heart. I was too busy preparing and recovering from the run, little did I realised that in September 2006 was my last chemotherapy cycle. That makes a 5 solid years of clinical cancer remission and a change in blog design and color is very appropriate. With this propitious change, let me share a fable by Aesop:

Once, while walking in the forest with his dog a hunter spotted a rabbit. "Catch that rabbit," he ordered, and the dog took off in hot pursuit. For 15 minutes, the two dashed and dodged, but in the end the frightened rabbit managed to escape.

The dog returned, exhausted, tongue hanging out, to his master, who immediately began to upbraid himl, "You good for nothing mutt, letting a stupid rabbit outrun you!"

"Be not so harsh with me, master," pleaded the hound, "After all, he was running for his life; I was only running for my dinner!"

I have a winner

2011-10-01T17:33:00.002+08:00

Blood pressure right now, systolic 110 mgHg and diastolic 78 mmHg and PR 80 min. Over the past three days that I'd intensified my restrain on food and cooking, I got down to more academic work than the usual average work I managed to complete in a month. So, what I realised is that I should live my life as if I am running a quarter marathon each week.

It is however very hard to even fantasize that I'll get the top three numbers in the run next year. There were many outside runners, and those who secured the top three places were marathon runners that go around Malaysia to run competitions. In the category that I ran, the lady who won the first place ran for 15 minutes only and third ran for 20 minutes. That should not deter me from setting a target though, i.e. I am going to run 6km in 30 minutes, and I don't have to wait for the yearly competition. I only need to run more rounds around the golf field each week that I go jogging.

I only have to scroll down to the entries in the earlier 3-4 months. There was a time, I could hardly walk a distance of 100 meter without stopping, because of pain. I am now so satisfied that I've pushed myself today and really am taking stock of my fitness and endurance. It is also at the right time, because last Wednesday, a specialist doctor succumbed to breast cancer and she was diagnosed a year later than me. I know there will be time to leave this world and by leaving earlier, it didn't make one a loser or winner, but I want to live this life in fitness regardless of the length of time I am allowed to be here. I realised from my training for the run, pain and swelling of joints is not a reason to stop or block me from being active...and I realised, after pushing stubbornly and with a lot of self-healing, I started my run this morning without much pain in the knees, hips and back.

The new image in the label at the top is representing my new spirit against frailness and morbidity. I herewith congratulate myself.

A short journey to either success or failure

2011-09-07T04:41:00.063+08:00

This shall be my journal till 1st October, the said day for the mini marathon; entry will be in ascending order till the marathon date.

011011: Ran 6km in 40 minutes, and got 13th place in the women veteran group, with consolation prize of RM50.

300911: WV 007

Yes, it looks like a good number..the sort of number a golden girl wants to be labeled. He he he... Ong sudah ada, all I got to do is to run my first 6 km tomorrow.

It is so difficult to lose even a kg. The only consolation is that my clothing is getting loose and my joints are less painful. In trying to distract myself from binging, I got more work done with this computer, well at least managed to cook up something for the requested article in the school's research bulletin. Being hungry is a great way to be productive. I'll go an munch some cantaloupe!

270911: Move over banana, cantaloupe rules!

260911: No time to run. I'll run my first mini-marathon (6km) on 1st October.

Due to pressing demand to stay focus on preparing for several presentations, I had to consciously remove all other preoccupations, including the mini-marathon. Well, except for bananas!!. I've also removed my claim about the association of my high night diastolic blood pressure with Clenx Tea. Since then I have been carrying observational study on my blood pressure and its asscociations.

When not taking the tea, the diastolic still peaked at around midnight and after...however never above 100. With the tea, it shoots above 100. The scientist in me (hikkk..) says that the confounding factor may be that I was more mindful on eating knowing that I can't rely on the tea to cleanse my bowel. Also, I discovered that taking amlodipine and perindopril have little or no effect on my blood pressure, thus stopping the anti-hypertensive.

So the mystery of high nocturnal diastolic is currently resolved only by waking up early (the blood pressure will slowly go down on being awake and up from the bed. My waking up time is the time when I wake up from sleep regardless of the time and the usual time was between 2 am to 4.30 am. The blood pressure was consistently high during this time.

Well, there are plenty to do at night, when others are sleeping. As long as I do not disturb others in the cyber as well as the real world then it is quite okay to continue as it reduced the duration of time that my end organs had to withstand the high pressure. It is also okay, as long as I do not fall asleep while seeing patient or listening to my students presentation.

Click Source

240911: I can't run (all sorts of joint pain and flu coming in), so, I tried not to eat other than bananas opps...lunch rice salad (hikk..nasi kerabu)...but let me tell you, the start of the Amazing Japanese banana diet plan, resulted in the rice salad quick exit around 4 pm (of course my lunch was at 8am). Yahooo..so no worries of the rice salad turning into a constipated stool.

My take about this banana and room temperature water first thing in the morning is like a flush that also kicked start your metabolism. As I woke up at around 3 am..(they said don't go to sleep after 12 midnight..and missed to say not to wake up too early..so I'm still in), I took 3 pisang berangan and a glass of room temperature water. From Dr. Graham's 80/10/10 book, I learnt and experienced that if I take bananas as mono-meal, then it will want to exit after 4 hours journey down the gut. What a great way to flush.

So, what is better with this diet over the 30-bananas diet is that your brain knows that you are allowed a decent lunch and dinner and a piece of sweet treat at tea time....any lunch provided you don't go overboard and don't take dessert. So with sleep deprivation, I thought I go to sleep at 2 pm...but no..no usual drowsiness so I spent time doing housework, meaning more calories burnt.

Looks like this Amazing Japanese Banana Diet is designed to work for my body, in support for a lighter body weight for the coming mini marathon. Well, may be I could take out my old kebaya for the talk I am giving in Cameron Highland. Or, the suit that I bought and had never worn from Vienna, or the pant suit that I wore for my final examination in University Malaya. He he he...it is good to dream in daytime. If this goes well, I still keep my kebayas from the houseman days, when I was underweight from too many calls.

230911: Oh dear, another 7 days; hemmm..... if I failed at 30-bananas-a-day diet, then I'll try this:

210911: I wrote a long e mail just now and I felt like a load detached from me. An e mail that I had to write, for after Asar prayer, I was like a woman in trance, with fingers tapping on their own, and on opening my compose box, a long e mail was produced in a rapid flow of words. Showed it to hubby and he told me: "Don't you come up and pray Magrib prayer until you've sent it...no need to beriman..make sure you send it..no need to re-read, it is a communication that you should've written a long time ago...make sure it goes to the top guns...go go..send..send..I like the mail. That's my gal."

After Magrid prayer, I stepped on the scale..I am 1 kg lighter. I am sure it is not due to my cancer proliferating, but the outcome of releasing a full steam, ha ha ha. Attended a cancer pain workshop today with Dr. Mary Cardosa and Dr. Ednin Hamzah as speakers. They are good speakers and clinicians!

190911-200911: Having normal blood pressure makes me feel young, healthy and confident, thus stopped practicing. Well, actually I was too busy and fatiged by the end of the day to practice; this from many lectures, seminars and workshops. My only practice is climbing five flights of stairs at increasing pace, while at work. The organiser told me that the distance around the golf course is actually 2.4km, and having done two rounds in 40 minutes in my first attempt last Friday is very reassuring. First prize, second, third or no prize....is not so important. It is about having fun and meeting a challenge. Target for this Friday - 6 km in 40 minutes.

180911: N3: 3am: Yesterday, no exercise. Just lazing and cooking and looking, the world is clearer with normal blood pressure, normal heart rate and without anti-hypertensive. The world is definitely clearer and more colourful, and life is beautiful. I think I need not be a freak no more for this mini marathon. I'll just run and have fun. Alhamdullillah. BP: 120/70; PR: 78. Monitored hubby's BP pre and post Clenx Tea, funny his systolic was affected and not the diastolic. Pre BP:; 124/70; PR: 83 - Post BP: 157/72; PR: 76. He is continuing with the tea as he is worried of constipation.

160911: This morning ran 3 km in campus and realised that running around the house is not the same as running in the actual arena. 3 km for 40 minutes! Probably the distance looming put extra burden to the mind and thus affected the body's speed. Mind above matter, the mind is controlling the body to go slow as it sees the enormous distance ahead.

Okay then, in the evening to burn more calories, I practiced with the Soflan and Dynamo, 3kg and 4.4 kg respectively as my kettlebell in a kettlebell swings exercise. Exercising in short burst of 20 sec with rest for 10 sec in 8 reps. The exercise ala Tabata, said to be good in endurance training.

140911: Breaking through my limits

There is no need to go on lamenting on my pain and difficulties. My right knee swelling is associated with redness and limitation of range of movement. There is no other logical solution, other than taking a rest. However, with this difficulty that didn’t allow for a solution other than rest, there is an opportunity that contain the possibility of self-improvement.

So, how? I wish to say that if I can’t run, I’ll fly. There are 16 more days before the 6 km run. Most probably I can’t practice a 6 km run before the actual competition, or I can’t run at all before the competition. This seemed be a wise option. Rest my knees and ankles and only run till the finishing line on the day of competition.

I may think that I’ve reach my limit, but on thinking about my case, I came with the ideas that in these 16 days I could do certain things to improve my chance of finishing at a decent time.

So what are my other solutions?:

1. I will go on a diet that remove 3.5 kgs from my present 71.5kg body weight, so that when I run on the competition day, less strain is put on my poor knees and ankles.

2. I will practice endurance training without moving my knees or ankles!

3. I will start my Pilates exercise

4. I will train with stretching exercise

5. I will visualize my moment at the finishing line

What is this difficulty teaching me?:

It teaches me of controlling my desires and the value of patience.

It teaches me that I should listen to and respect my body

It teaches me not to give up

It teaches me that life is full of pain, and yet in the pain is the most profound pleasure and satisfaction

It teaches me that moderation is the key to success – maybe too early to claim this!

And above all: It teaches me to rise above myself!

140911: A day of disappointment: Swelling and pain of both knees put a halt to the practice.

130911: 3.3 km run in 26 minutes. Okay la tu.

120911: Running with some pain and limitation in knee extension on the right and pain on left sole. Ran for 2 km in 19 minutes (my target is below 10 minutes). Never mind, slow and steady. After 2 km I still got stamina to run, but fear of exacerbation of knees and ankle, stopped at just 2 km - N3: 5.58pm.

120911: It is 1.35 am, I've been trying to sleep and I can't, so I don't sleep. While reading Timothy Ferriss "The 4-Hour Body" page 361, it occurred to me of a similar method of damage control, a herb with anti-inflammatory property, and while taking that, also took a couple of glucosamine tablets and Kinohimitsu Collagen Diamond Drink 5300. Earlier, had done a 15 minutes self-massaging, followed by another 15 minutes of massage from my in house coach.

It is easy to give up, to tell myself that I am too old or too burdened with morbidity to run a 6 km run, but then this is not about the running competition. This is about pushing myself to get rid of my tummy fat, the most probable reason why I have been having spikes of diastolic blood pressure (in spite of optimum doses of anti-hypertensive) in relation to my REM sleep. This is about my preventive measure from drowning in my lungs fluid. After all those herb and collagen, my tummy was feeling pain quite similar to the time after getting my chemo, and a packet of Midura Instant Mushrooms soup is absolutely comforting. From the feel of it, I won't be sleeping and probably wake my coach at 4 am for Women US open final.

So, let me sign out with this kata-kata:

"Beyond the very extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own; sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction." - William James.

110911:
Sports injury: the dreaded words or sometime the most welcoming words. Both knees are painful, the left swollen and the right ankle is also painful. So, no running and even praying is difficult.

My running track

100911:
Finally, the measurement around the house was taken. The distance for one round is 93.5 meter, thus for 6000 meter (6 km), I have to run for 64.2 or 65 rounds. This whole exercise is to make aware of my target, and awareness itself is significant in many choices I made in a day, e.g. the choice of not to binge eating in open houses during this month of Syawal.

090911:
The Guardian Stepometer is no more than a timer, for the steps count when running/jogging was unreliable. Many steps were not counted; probably this tool is made to count walking steps and as I ran quite fast, the app. could not catch up with my steps. It's mechanism is based on something that sound like a jiggling ball inside, and on running, the ball has no chance to land and record a step.

Anyway, I've just completed a 15 rounds in 9 minutes (last run was 10 rounds in 10 minutes), and tomorrow will get a measuring tape to measure the actual distance for one round around the house.

090911:
Yesterday was 100% cooked food with no reservation. Got the stepometer at Guaurdian Pharmacy for RM39.00. Walked more than 6 km while shopping with no pain in the hip and back as experienced in my last trip to KL. I was and am so thankful. Having witnessed many breast cancer patients with hip and spine metastasis suffered, I resolved to work hard at self-prescription-healing so that the same pain and functional limitation does not recur. The heel spur pain is still three, at times excruciating, and some other times just a dull reminder. What is there in such little pain, when I can run and still dream of running at a speed of 6km/30min or less.

080911:
Yesterday was 50:50 ratio of raw to cooked food. Only drank barley low sugar while DH was devouring Pesembur Special for lunch, but can't help helping DH finished his dinner of nasi kukus. Not having the opportunity to run in campus, I started running around our house, a house that is reasonably big. Managed to run 10 rounds at 10 minutes. Intending to purchase a pedometer today, the one that calculate the distance as well as the calories burnt. Skipped the green juice and drank my concoction of herbal tea instead. Woke up at 2 am with BP 130/99 without medications and is now considering whether I should take the covase and the coversyl. At least the diastolic is not above 100 mmHg as the readings after the Hari Raya. May be should take the medications as today will be a whole day of travelling and shopping. ---half hour later, after the usual night prayer, blood pressure is 118/88mHg, and as it usually decline further later part of the day, I'll skip my anti-hypertensive medications.

Image source

070911:

Only had time to go shopping for fruits during lunch break, thus starting on low fat raw fruit diet soon. In the meantime snacking with Aprisnack.

060911:

Returned to Samudera, Wan and Illah with kid were at home. Stopped at Kak Ju Nasi Dagang in Tok Bali and Hasnik Seafood in Penarik, following which I took up the position of sleeping co-pilot, both ways to KT-KB. The effect of Loratadine and full stomach. My full admiration to the pilot for being strong and very alert even with a full plate of nasi dagang with telur and ikan at Kak Ju's restaurant and another plate of nasi dagang (on the house) at Hasnik seafood, plus a plate of prawn fritters and sotong fritters, all down with a tablet of Loratadine (the allergic reaction sets in early).

Image source

On reaching home, I fall asleep after Maghrib prayer, with a throbbing headache and heavy lids (this is my most reliable sign of very high cholesterol). Search for Caduet with the intention of reducing the cholesterol level urgently, however realised that I've returned the Caduet to the pharmacy. In the end, boiled Daun Dukung Anak, Pokok Susu Kambing, Pokok Sireh Cina and Daun Pokok Ajaib, and drank the herbal tea before sleeping.

Ajaib sungguh, when woke up at 3 am, the blood pressure is normal and the cholesterol sign disappeared.

Running away from fat

2011-09-05T16:33:00.001+08:00

Hari Raya Hazard

2011-09-05T11:53:00.003+08:00

Since Hari Raya, my blood pressure has been swinging. The diastolic was the most vulnerable, going up as high as 105 - 110, usually at night, beginning from late night till morning. Even with double medications [amlodipine 10 mg with perindopril 8 mg], not much control was seen, unless, I keep awake and breathe like a monk.

Probably, it is the effect of the choc cream cheese frosting, or the margarine from the cookies brought by visitors or from rebound eating, it is no longer to be taken lightly, as I am beginning to suffer tightness in chest and breathlessness on exertion. At first, I thought it was asthma in its subtle attacks, but it definitely coincides with the spikes in diastolic blood pressure.

I was able to identify this problem because I checked my blood pressure when I'm at home, every 4 hours and at night almost every 2 hours. The internal medicine specialist could not give a satisfactory answer, till today, on browsing (the office is still quiet after the Raya), I came across this publication:

Hypertension. 2009 Feb;53(2):251-5. Epub 2008 Dec 29.

Sleep modulates hypertension in leptin-deficient obese mice.

Silvani A, Bastianini S, Berteotti C, Franzini C, Lenzi P, Lo Martire V, Zoccoli G.

Source

Department of Human and General Physiology, University of Bologna, Piazza di Porta San Donato 2, 40126 Bologna, Italy.

Abstract

Leptin increases sympathetic activity, possibly contributing to hypertension in obese subjects. Hypertension increases cardiovascular mortality, with nighttime (sleep) blood pressure having a substantial prognostic value. We measured blood pressure in male leptin-deficient obese mice (ob/ob; n=7) and their lean wild-type littermates (+/+; n=11) during wakefulness, non-rapid-eye-movement sleep, and rapid-eye-movement sleep to investigate whether, in the absence of leptin, derangements of blood pressure are still associated with obesity and depend on the wake-sleep state. Mice were implanted with a telemetric pressure transducer and electrodes for discriminating wake-sleep states. Mean blood pressure was significantly higher in ob/ob than in +/+ mice during wakefulness (7.3+/-2.6 mm Hg) and non-rapid-eye-movement sleep (6.7+/-2.8 mm Hg) but not during rapid-eye-movement sleep (2.6+/-2.6 mm Hg). In ob/ob and +/+ mice, mean blood pressure was substantially higher during wakefulness than during non-rapid-eye-movement sleep. On passing from non-rapid-eye-movement sleep to rapid-eye-movement sleep, mean blood pressure decreased significantly in ob/ob but not in +/+ mice. The time spent during wakefulness was lower in ob/ob than in +/+ mice during the dark (active) period, whereas the opposite occurred during the light (rest) period. Consequently, mean blood pressure was significantly higher in ob/ob than in +/+ mice during the light (8.2+/-2.4 mm Hg) but not during the dark (3.0+/-2.9 mm Hg) period. These data suggest that, in the absence of leptin, obesity may entail hypertensive derangements of blood pressure, which are substantially modulated by the cardiovascular effects of the wake-sleep states.

READ FULL FREE ARTICLE HERE

So, okay, at least this morning; I've cleared my refrigerator from all cakes and custards and puddings. Time to stock with lots of green apples, celery, carrots and herbs. I've to accept the fact that I have lots of fat; Time to go raw and run...

RUN FOR MY LIFE

2011-09-02T20:41:00.004+08:00

In less than a month. If I see this advertisement before the last Ramadhan, I would say that I am not capable of 6 km run. After Ramadhan, it is a different story.

My usual run with DH in the campus on weekend was usually 2km and I've never done more than that. I will be in the veteran group, and I know there are a few fast runners in this category. There is the flying librarian, the running dentist, the clerk on the run, and a few more....Well, never mind, we'll see, my motto from now :

"I'll run till the end..."

and yes it's a one-liner.

This Raya

2011-08-31T05:40:00.002+08:00

My body decided to keep to the biological rhythm established in Ramadhan, thus waking wacky up at what people say - unearthly hours, the last third of the night. When I thought deep about it, indeed it is an unearthly hour, for these hours are closer to the heavenly hours. It is said that this is the time when the brain wave is at its conducive state to communicate with God. Though in the morning of Hari Raya, after a night of not sleeping I was thinking that I will sleep a full night (there were too many things to do, mostly in vacuuming repeatedly the dining area as our cats made it their game to go up the dining table and chairs, sort of challenging my kesabaran), to pay back what I missed in the previous night.

So, 1432 Raya was good, not so because it was a socially merry occasion, but there were too much lessons that I’ve learned.

I learned that:

- not the amount but the quality is important in my Ibadah

- not to judge others when come to Ibadah

- if I listen and look properly, there are clues and messages around me that is important

- with the help of God, my body is capable of super energy

- my biological rhythm is dictating me to make diurnal changes if I want to remain in cardiovascular fitness

Mostly, this Raya was meaningful, because our oncologist (Prof. Dr. Biswa Mohan Biswal) made it to our home. Since myself and Shuib are not typically good patients, coz we defaulted our follow-ups, this is a good time to catch up with things related to cancer.

Haji Shuib Puteh with our oncologist, Prof. Dr. Biswa
Hari Raya

When the going gets tough, the tough get going

2011-08-27T13:49:00.005+08:00

Can't make an entry earlier as Boboy refused to allow me, and furthermore the Maxis broadband was functioning at snail pace.

Just to write something to remind me to stay alert on the subsequent nights even when almost all my joints and muscles are protesting and unanimously opted to continue sleeping at night.

Many people device a plan to get the night of Laylat al-Qadr, and feasibly so, they thought.

As an example, on the 23rd night, it looked and felt like the night, and then, though we continue doing, but we were less careful, as we thought we had it. So, never mind the Tasbih prayer as it is too difficult, Tahjud and Taubat should be sufficient.

Others may have been alert and enthusiastic each night, many from the beginning of Ramadhan, then on that particular night, the viral bugs got the better say and the muscle ache and pain made it impossible to get up. Or, we had a bad case of diarrhea.

Then, on that night, we can’t sleep and by the time we wanted to spend time praying, we were too sleepy. May be we can’t sleep on the night before the night, and on the next night, which is the night; we can’t open our eyes to stay alert while praying.

Then, we thought we got the night and we asked a list of things for God’s help, then upon checking, none of the requests resulted in the desired outcome, and we felt a tinge of disappointment.

What ever it is, approaches and experiences of the night is very personal. I am just reminding myself today to persevere in spite of exhaustion from high dusting, low vacuuming and moping. We ladies face more challenge as Syawal is around the corner. I believe in the relative and reciprocal reward by God: when it is difficult, yet we attempted and succeed, then the reward is greater, InsyaAllah.

1 cup of sago, boiled in 2 cups of water, add syrup from a cup of sugar, coloring, and cool
it before cutting and rolling in salted grated coconut.

After all the cleaning, I am too exhausted either to cook or to go out and buy food for breaking our fast. Similarly is hubby. Manged to prepare the Red Sago Dessert in a jiffy.

Lastly, the dua or supplication for the 27th night, click here.

This Ramadhan

2011-08-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

Strange things happen in Ramadhan. Today (i.e Thursday), I was blessed with a super energy. Thus, I decided to be a Cockroach Terminator and I ruled, he he. Then, near Iftar, there is further excess of energy, thus all the cabinet walls in the wet kitchen received my energetic scrubbing.

Now, it is 1.03, Friday, after a round of checking and saving recipes from recipe blogs. Still could not sleep, and in fact about 2 hours earlier, I had rolled my side of the toto (sleeping mat), so that Molly won't go and pass her urine on my side of the mat. The psycho-dynamic of a cat, I thought I was watching her dynamic but she was the one watching me!

Anyway, it is not that I have enough of sleep, this is Ramadhan and the biological or circadian rhythm is topsy turvy...all sorts of visualisation I've tried and I have counted too many sheep...yet now still not sleepy and it is nearing my usual Ramadhan waking time i.e. at 3 am. Superstitious idea is creeping in; people say: if you can't sleep then somebody close is leaving...oh dear... Another thought; Lailatul Qadar...no, people like me usually can't keep eyes open on such blessed night..furthermore I thought I caught it on Tuesday-Wednesday (the 7th last).... well never mind....

What I claimed as strange is that before my attempt to go to sleep, my diastolic blood pressure was 120/70 mmHg; at 11.30 after failing to fall asleep it was 139/100 mmHg. At that time, my chest was tight...now after deciding not to sleep, I am feeling better. I thought one day, I'll be arrested while sleeping.. Hemm..may be I got to start searching for a job with night shift. Anyway, not to linger longer at this computer and not to waste precious time of the night...for the night is getting cooler by the minute...my reminder to all ladies who are on the mission of catching the night of the nights.....on Raya night, let's us not forget to pray at least 2 rakaat of sunat prayer....for if you ask me ...my most shaking and out-of-body experience was on one particular Raya night, the year I completed my chemotherapy.

May you be blessed...and if tomorrow DH had to call police to take me for admission to my ward..then let it be known that my mood disturbance is not due to any stressor, but most probably because of the disturbance in my circadian rhythm. Well, at least I have many ideas for Raya treats from reading this blog before deciding to make this entry...Adious

Lessons in my Ramadhan

2011-08-23T11:04:00.008+08:00

I was attempting to write, each day from the last entry. I thought that as I was and on annual leaves daily except for Tuesday and with Broadband at home, entries will be just on the go (while masak-masak). The most I managed was a paragraph, then I deleted. I wrote and I deleted. This actually occured everyday. Besides that, this Ramadhan is hard, very hard on me. It is either the trade off from spiritual cleansing or the effect of my spring cleaning before the big day at the end of this Ramadhan.

The reason why it is hard this year is that with time on my hand I managed to dig out all my books on Sufism, and reading the texts again brought too much realisation, coupled with my observation of today's practices on facebook and blogs. The beauty of the mystical path in Islam, it touched one's heart and whether marks are being engraved are manifested in actions or behaviour.

Though I may say that I am writing to show good examples for people to emulate or to remind not to repeat certain undesirable thoughts and behaviour, or even when I say the intention is for Allah, what I am claiming or reasoning may still be very much to satisfy my Ego, which is riyaa'. The books on Sufism made me aware about Riyaa', and when I look upon postings in facebooks and blogs, fear grows in my heart.

Fear because:

The prophet (saw) said: " A little showing off (riyaa') is shirk."
The Riyaa of shirk invalidates the action .

Ahmed reported on the authority of Ubay b. Ka'ab with a hasan Isnad tha the prophet (saw) said:

"Give good tidings to this ummah of splendor, high ranks, victory and strengthening. Whoever of them worked the deeds of Akhirah for the sake of the world, he would not have any share/reward in the akhirah."

My heart feels like losing its position on seeing/reading:

Elderly that posted hundreds of photos taken in Mecca and Madinah in their blogs and facebooks

Pop Pendakwah getting irritated for lack of enthusiasm over his or her ceramah

People telling they are signing off to pray Dhuha or Tahjud

People announcing themselves at this and that mosques

People made known to people their donation and gifts of charity (siap dengan gambar ma..). Depa kata show la..nanti orang lain jadi pemurah juga...tetapi apakah perasaannya melihat kemulian hati tertera di blog dan di facebook?

.....and so, I reviewed my previous posting, my previous blog and I did sensed possibilities of riyaa in association with ibadah. Never mind the other grandiosities, sometime I need to feel good about myself, but never shall be in association with Ibadah. However, I will not remove what had been posted, for it is a lesson learnt and I will keep up with the prayer of repentance and the dua against riyaa'

Allah's Messenger (saw) addressed us one day and said, "O People! Fear this shirk as it is more hidden than a crawling ant." Then someone whom Allah had willed to speak said: " And how shall we save ourselves from it when it is more hidden than a crawling ant, O Messenger of Allah?".

He said, "Say

O Allah I seek refuge in You from knowingly associating partners with You, and I seek Your forgiveness for that which I do not know.
"Allahumma inni a`udhu bika an ushrika bika wa ana a`lamu wa astaghfiruka lima la a`lamu"
Note: Sometime, your Ego may actually be reciting and the verse did not actually reach your heart.

Also during this Ramadhan, on 18th August, I accepted an invitation to give a talk to Year 6 students, and naturally I assumed that it is for A level students. Oh boy, was I surprised that the hall was full with noisy and restless 9 to 11 year old students. I was so humbled upon the realisation and on standing infront my audience.....and a lesson to learn from thinking big and too good of oneself (though thankfully...I enjoyed myself and I appreciated the experience) is when my little audiences keep putting up their hands..............well, many interrupted me to ask further but there was a couple of times when the need to stop me was to correct my spelling mistakes in my slides....I was happy ... because if I give talk to masters students and psychiatrists...I think they will not embarrass me by pointing out my mistakes or errors......Ramadhan O Ramadhan...I returned home with dry throat...suffered for the rest of the fast but with a humbling feeling....

From Olistic@

So, after many attempts, the mystical block is now released ... for me to write something ..... and the story about the school kids is therapeutic to me and also indicates that I am never ever so superior than anybody...if I pray then it is for Allah ... I hope I will not criticise people who don't...for they may receive more pleasure and blessing from God ... if people don't listen to my talk, then I may be off relevance or they are not ready, or I am too full of myself, God forbids.

So, when hubby got irritated with some show offs in his facebook..I told him and myself and others too, it is our perception that they are show off, only God knows and ever knowing. If they are show off then maybe God will one day made them realised, as I am hoping too. The most important thing is that once mistake realised, then we try to avoid it for we fear that what good deeds in the name of Ibadah is thrown to our faces.

But then, I told DH to block the person out coz Maxis Broadband is pretty expensive, the hundreds of images from people touring experiences in place of Ibadah are eating my bytes, and already this month, the first month, I've already topped up 3 times.

It is OK to feel OK; it is good to feel God.

2011-08-16T22:03:00.000+08:00

Many of us respond to pain with analgesia or painkiller. Pain symbolized disease or illness, or something that is not right in our body. Pain as an impedance to health, and yet absence of pain is not necessarily indicative of health.

In the Ramadan Bazaar, I saw several people who were too heavy to walk briskly, the knees were wobbly, and yet their hands holding too much carbohydrate rich foods. So, not intending to be condescending, I was more amazed that their body could tolerate so much discomfort if not pain. It is possible that too much food had numbed their body from being able to protest their eating habits. I had come to my senses that I should not let myself forget that a spiritual mindfulness is only possible with much restriction in my diet.

I recently redeemed my CITIBANK points with a princess coffee maker and thence on started to adopt the feeling of good with freshly made coffee and then began to bake cupcakes and other western dissert to make the experience even greater. A week passed and then I was suffering badly. I managed to arrest my lapse from full relapse of free eating yesterday, and today I didn’t buy anything from the bazaar, and ate yesterday’s ikan Senagin singan with a bunch of blanched asparagus and 6 baby Portobello mushroom, and 4 tablespoon of rice with mineral water.

So I did not kill the pain with painkillers, instead I took the pain as a message. Killing the pain, we kill the messenger, expressing our own unwillingness to listen and to correct what is not right with us.

Why do we have aversion to allow the messages from our body to inform and teach us? What shame is it we carry to prevent us from truly realizing and accepting our weakness? Is it pride or arrogance? Our physical is a tool for self gratification as well as a mean for knowing the reality of God. The truth is that we can’t have the same treatment to our bodies for both goals concurrently. Does that not show the mutually exclusive residence of hell and heavens? Yes, it is very true that oil and water do not mixed.

We either dwells in God’s approved territories or we focus on illusory pleasure of material possession as well as attention and recognition from others. We say we are feeling good when in reality we are covering over how badly we feel. We tell “feel good” stories and hopefully not lies, attempting to conceal from ourselves our own truth. In our minds we are attempting to connect with what appears to us to be some form of reality. We intellectualized and rationalized that what we are doing is the right thing. After all it's what everyone else is doing, isn't it? This remind me of the dynamic of face book dwellers, mine as well as hubby’s, with naughty me as a role player.

It is unfortunate that we have too many virtual social networking. The networking could actually fill in the void that actually is a necessary station to perceive the ultimate networking with our creator. That is why I love blogging, and my blogging activity is so much selfish in its goal, but I dare to share in case others may want to learn from my experience, which sometimes were too grandiose to be associated with spiritual seeking. Forgive me for I do not want to pretend, and what I've written or examined is also for my own future reference. I may rationalize that my intention is good, but forgive me the same, for I may not have the opportunity of deleting before I leave this residence. I hope my prayers of repentance may guide or delete my sins in this issue.

Some very important person had once said: “Life unexamined is life not worth living”

Actually, it is good to feel good about one self, hopefully feeling good remind us to feeling God. At times when I feel bad or feel down, I purposefully feel God, and that result in feeling good. Today, I am feeling damned good about myself, and I feel God, and I though it is worth recording this state of good feeling.

“Schizophrenia Patients with Depressive Symptoms”

2011-08-14T23:19:00.001+08:00

Continuous Medical Education (CME) Program

Supported by AstraZeneca Neuroscience in conjunction with Galvanizing the Exploration of Mental Health Conundrums of the Young, Adults and the Elderly organized by Hospital Taiping Perak

14 October 2011

Venue:Hotel Equatorial, Cameron Highlands

Target audience: 400 pax include (Psychiatrists, Psychiatric Trainees, Physicians, Allied Health Care Workers

Speaker: Assoc Prof Hasanah Che Ismail

Abstract

ICD-10 and the Appendix to DSM-IV included post-psychotic depression as a diagnostic entity but the growing awareness of the importance of co-morbid depression is quite recent. Studies have documented a 25% modal occurrence rate of depressive-like syndromes during the longitudinal course of schizophrenia but published rate could be as high as 81%.

There is no established specific routine clinical measure to evaluate depression in schizophrenia, and it is generally known that depressive symptoms overlap with other features common to this illness, e.g. negative symptoms and side effects from neuroleptics. The Calgary Depression Rating Scale (CDRS) has been found to be able to distinguish between depression and negative symptoms. In many patients with schizophrenia and concurrent substance misuse, the detection and management of depression is more complex.

The implication of not recognizing and treating depression in schizophrenia is compromising patients’ quality of life, as well as increasing the burden of their caregivers. Poor management of co-morbid depressive symptoms leads to less favourable clinical outcomes, prolonged hospitalization, higher rate of relapse, greater cognitive impairment, poor social and occupational functioning and increased risk of suicide.

Even when the depressive syndrome is recognised, psychiatrists are still uncertain on the choice of antipsychotic and the safety of treatment with anti-depressants. Atypical antipsychotics such as risperidone, olanzapine, quetiapine, ziprasidone and amisulpride have been used in managing depressive symptoms in patients with schizophrenia. The evidence to support the efficacy of adjunctive antidepressants is mixed. The results thus far suggest that antidepressants may be most useful for those patients who are not acutely psychotic and meet syndromal criteria for depression. There is some evidence to suggest that the use of clozapine in treatment resistant patients may confer benefit in terms of a reduction in depressive symptoms and overall suicide rate.

The best approach is to be informed on the effectiveness of multi-target agents in schizophrenia and mood disorders. The potential of the drug that has the combination of effects at dopaminergic, serotonergic, and noradrenergic targets is highlighted for its antidepressant and anxiolytic properties and at the same time not compromising its antipsychotic properties, thus a useful choice in treating depression in schizophrenia.

Key words: depression, schizophrenia, multi-target agents

A good medication will remove all the negative symptoms without causing emotional blunting
The effects are active, responsive and interactive behaviour

Cooking a paper and a dish and little cakes in paper cups

2011-08-13T12:52:00.001+08:00

Masters student come and go, they got qualified as clinical specialists and be colleagues in the same profession.

We as trainers, have a fair share of healing as well as producing healers. Being a teacher/trainer is reaching far into the districts in Malaysia. In the past we hardly have enough psychiatrists to represent each state of Malaysia, and now we have the luxury of having a psychiaitrist in most districts in Malaysia, well at least the bigger districts. I think every clinical specialist in Malaysia, who is doing teaching/training should take a break and feel good about him/herself. Let’s us praise ourselves for making this choice, rather than establishing ourselves in foreign countries and earning foreign currencies.

Oh dear me. Why am I lamenting like this? The truth is that, over the last three days, I have been laboring over my ex-student’s dissertation, trying to comprehend and to prepare a presentation that should at least appear methodologically sound and with meaningful results. The student had long gone, qualified two years ago, and presently enjoying the same pay scheme as their teachers in this miserable place. It must be miserable because many are leaving to other greener pastures, especially the private centers.

The student’s study was supported by a research grant under my name, thus explaining my responsibility to present to my school, as a closure to the provided grant. The slot given to me is after Hari Raya, so to make sure that I could spend an academic-worry free Raya, I might as well try to analyze and write a paper, while spending my annual leaves at home. Having given a hypoglycemic focus and perception, albeit a blurred and dizzy one, I am now into the framework of a paper that deserves an impact factor and ISI listing. It is unfortunate that my student didn’t challenge herself enough to do so with her dissertation.

Having internet line at home from the beginning this month had converted my dry kitchen into another pleasant office, the coffee maker and everything else addictive is within enjoyable proximity, including DH and the bulu-bulu. I could also enter an entry into this blog while watching over my pressure cooker, planning to cook gulai kawah in a vision pot. Also for dessert, will test the recipe for cupcakes and frosting from Glorious Treats. Sort of trial for Raya.

So, having an office with internet line in my dry kitchen also bring in invitations to give drug talk, that I could immediately screen. Well, even though the money is not enough to buy an i-pad, at least it could get me a piece or two of Trengganu Batik Crepe Silk of good quality.

It was only few months ago, I was feeling sorry for myself because of so much pain. Well, the pain is still with me, bearable, probably because my mind is distracted to how to reanalyze my student’s data so that I could write something scientific about it. What is there in the pain when God blessed me for a mind that could think and share with those in and outside my profession?

Too messy for Hari Raya and didn't have enough frosting to cover the cakes properly

God is so kind…and yet we want to be unkind to ourselves

2011-08-10T22:47:00.004+08:00

I was worried when DH is not well in Ramadan and needed to break his fast. I prepared a good meal and in my thought, (there goes this superiority of thoughts)…”God, am I colluding? Will my reward be less?”

How could I have the slightest doubt on Allah’s mercy and compassion? Well, maybe I was biased after hearing patients with active cancer who persevere with fasting on the basis that this Ramadan may be the last and they would not be here for the next Ramadan.

Probably because I was too judgmental on my other half, and in this sitting (now) at this old computer, a page from my abandoned folder, opens up and on reading the page, I should give a prayer of repentance before hitting the sack. How could I denied the mercy and compassion of Allah?

Here is the support for ill patients to break their fast and not to let their fasting disturb the treatment that is indicated for their ailment:

When a person becomes ill and his prognosis indicates a serious condition, but not a terminal illness, and the patient is not in a life-threatening situation, yet he is granted permission (rukhsah) to break his fast.
This permission does not include simple illnesses, such as a headache or stomach ache. All these do not warrant breaking the fast. If fasting becomes harmful for the patient, then it is becomes mandatory for him to break his fast. Allah (SWT) said: " Nor kill (or destroy) yourselves, for Allah has been to you Most Merciful." (Al-Qur'an, 4:29) Elsewhere, He stated: ``And make not your own hands contribute to (your) destruction..." (Al-Qur'an, 2:195)

If I am not well, and if I need to take medicine, then I will break my fast because my rationale is that who am I to be wiser than God? Also, my reason for not fasting is that I want to recover from this illness, so that I lasted longer to experience many months of Ramadhan.....

However, thank God, on 10th Ramadan, I broke my two days of fasting…and after those two days of rest, I am feeling the benefits of Ramadan…with minimal eating, I am now doing more physical and academic work compared to non-Ramadan months.

Whoosh...take that for breaking...
Comel boxing Tammy (Tamoxifen)

Similarities in practices

2011-08-06T21:30:00.001+08:00

Baking soda, DCA, apricot seeds, vitamin B 17, laetrile, habbatus sauda, honey, Gerson therapy, bekam, The Secret, Tony Robbins, and the lists goes on and on......

2011-08-06T08:47:00.003+08:00

I realised that of late, there are more “educated” females that came late for treatment of their breast cancers. The nurse counselor said that apparently, many were mislead by reading blogs and viewing u-tubes of cancer survivors testimonies that chose alternative treatment rather then operation and oncology treatment.

Yesterday, I went round reading cancer blogs and u-tube testimonies, and I also realized how cancer patients were being misled into delaying treatment. I m a cancer patient and I could understand the hope given by those claiming to be cured of cancer by just taking apricot seeds, baking soda, DCA, positive energy, practicing holy water, fruits and the holiness of The Secret. There is no harm in taking several apricot seeds daily, but be careful in taking chemicals and non-food items. Things like colostrums have growth factor and IGF-I and IGF-II than stimulates tumour.

If I visit the oncology unit in my hospital and interview those with late stage cancers, many had actually eaten apricot seeds, habbbatus sauda, honey, all sorts of factors and processed juices, baking soda or some even have had vitamin C shots and Gerson therapy. Sadly these people don’t go and blog and upload their u-tube confessions so that others at the beginning of the journey could have some insight on their desperation and unscientific claims. The story of Big Phama is too good for generalizing the blame on modern medicine. Even I as a doctor and a psychiatrist (probably could claim a sociologist too, i.e. after giving sociology classes for many years) was seduced, but then I have my medical background as well as real life stories of disillusioned patients under my care. Temporary seduction, yes.

I supported naturopathic treatment and I am a believer and practitioner as well. But, be informed that there is such thing as placebo response and psych-neuro-immunological influences in immune defense. Thus, one person success with a certain alternative therapy is not necessarily replicated in anther person. Just as simple as differing blood groups make a lot of difference. A person with blood group A, helloo..please do not emulate blindly what a person with O group does, though O is not entirely successful all the time. Even O, with poor eating and high stress level, the body would still be weakened.

Then one person cancer is not the same as another person cancer. For all you know, the person you are modeling is having a grade I slow growing cancer. You’re asking me on how to know? Take the whole dangerous thing out via operation, and let the pathologist scrutinize the tumour, on its grade, type of receptors, the number of lymph nodes involved and the presence of lymphatic and vascular infiltration. If I see your Histopathological report I could roughly predict what is coming. Tissues from needle or tru-cut biopsies are not sufficient.

Some patients think that as long as their breast cancer is not increasing in size, then they are having an upper control over their cancer. Hellooo.... seemed like your cancer is more intelligent than you. See the diagram…your breast cancer can travel without showing its presence in your breast.

http://www.bissy.scot.nhs.uk/master_code/pilsinl/158.gif

I’ve just had a patient, discovered a lump, in two weeks went for operation, and the results showed that she was triple negative (PR, ER and cerb), grade III cancer and there are evidence of lymphatic and vascular infiltration. It means that the cancer had entered the blood vessels and had sent its representatives (perwakilan) to distant organs and waiting signals to open up its franchised outlet. Smart eh? In my book that is facing its own terminal stage with DBP (terminal not necessarily almost to the stage of appearing on book racks, but terminal of dying with the distributor and publisher) I advocate a much stronger chemo regime for this type of cancer.

However there is one plus point for people who decided to keep their breast cancer in their breasts. As long as the size and local invasion is not frightening (e.g. of frightening is given in the images), then the representatives will remain calm and dormant.

http://www.worldwidewounds.org/2002/march/Naylor/images/Fig-2-Fungating-Breast.jpg

I feel some sense of responsibility (after realizing that my unpublished book will remained so) to put my spiritual reflection on hold today, to write about this, and hopefully it make sense as I am in a hurry for other more pressing matters.

If you decide not to take out your cancer, well at least practice the naturopathic healing in its proper way. It is difficult, needs a lot of enthusiasm and discipline and I know for sure for I always have lapses. Emulate Kris Carr of Crazy Sexy Cancer in her diet and exercise and don’t be half informed like several of my patients. They followed the vegetable juicing but so malas ma…tak exercise and guess what; soon they developed deep vein thrombosis. When you developed a deep vein thrombosis or in simple language “blood clots” then you will lose powerful ammunitions in combating cancer. The doctor will give you a list of fruits and vegetables that have high vit K content that you should not take, and it is a list, nevertheless an almost complete one, with allowance for buah Melaka, dan sayur pucuk/fuchok (ha ha, I found this very funny) …. Probably after the cues from hubby that wants to eat buah Melaka and sayur fuchok. Hemm...that shall he be iftar recipe for today....

Jason Vale the armwresler, not Jason Vale the juicemaster, fighting cancer with apricot and apple seeds

2011-08-05T21:07:00.001+08:00

Seek and you will not find, surrender and it materialised in you

2011-08-05T16:08:00.009+08:00

For me, I have the opportunity of cleansing my body during this fasting month. This is very important, as the physical body is still the vehicle to self realization. The physical body must function at its optimum, so that during sleep, matters of the subconscious and unconscious surfaced and retained until awareness, and alert awareness is necessary to grasp the full meaning of the self-realization.

Indeed one’s spirituality fluctuates. In the month of Sa’aban, my cleansing fast brought some self-realization through a dream. It reinforced my spiritual practice at that time, but we people seemed to have a wrong concept of preparation. What did we/author does? We became busy in organizing seminars and participating in conferences as we like to complete all those academic activities (so that we can have good teas and lunches) before the fasting month begins, and we also indulged in eating. There are always generous people around to give luncheons, and they said come and eat before you have to fast.

So, as I entered Ramadan, I felt lost and a distance away from my perceived connectivity to God. In the month of Sa’aban, I had a dream that gave momentum to my spiritual practice and on entering Ramadan; I tried very hard to recall the dream, but failed. Naturally, I was disappointed and I felt that my first few nights of Ramadan were reduced in quality. I also realized that the first few iftars, I have been indulging in eating more that what should be barely sufficient. I remembered that in Sa’aban, I have actually fasted with the extremely reduced calories and yesterday, after making the Ramadan Journal, I had a better determination in eating with calories hovering between 800 to 1000 calories (did with 600 – 800 calories in Sa’aban).

Either by coincidence or outcome of PREPARATION, last night I had a different dream but with similar effects on me as the one I had in Sa’aban. I still could not remember the Sa’aban’s dream. Last night dream humiliated me in my very own eyes; it was so real and so unreal, so logical and so illogical. It was in colours with moving actions and reactions from people in my dream. It was not like I was watching a movie but I was participating, in my own real body, with self kinesthetic but in place that was once familiar but far from me.

Though it was a dream of loss, desperation, shame and humiliation, when I woke up and go through this day, I sensed that it is a form of love. It is a dream that should saved me, and that is why I interpreted and felt that it is a clue of love. In the dream, I was shrouded in an attire with no attached ego.A Sufi master said that; “Your true self, or soul, is the means by which your body receives love. Your false self (ego) is the means by which it receives the punishment that it is due in your mind.”

The Sufi teacher (I had not kept a record of the source) added;

“And where does this love come from? What is the means by which we can attain to it and perceive it and receive it? It is not outside of us, so we have to stop looking. It's only when we stop seeking that we can feel. As long as we are seeking we're still in our minds and projecting a time or a place when or where we will discover something. But that "something" is not "located" in
in any place or time. It is not "out there" somewhere to be "found". "The goal is not found by seeking, but only the seekers find it".

So, for me, eating very much less is very helpful for self-realization. Again, preparation is the key to success. If, it looks like what is greeting me for iftar is predominantly fruits that are sweets, I tried not to eat fatty food. Fats with sugar will result in inefficiency of insulin and will only maintain a high sugar level long enough to drive the insulin insensitive and turn sugar into fats. Readers can get the rational of this method of eating by searching for mono-meal or natural hygiene.

Boboy, my cat, eating his mono-meal
He he tak nampak orang dah

Preparation for enlightenment; Fruits of paradise

2011-08-04T18:10:00.002+08:00

Disclosure: This write up is from the usual kind of person and not from a person with religious authority, also not representing the author’s professional views. It is merely a passing thoughts and feeling of a person fasting in Ramadan.

My Cat "Adik" thinks that grapes are good for iftar
Food of paradise, but make sure it's organic

In the fasting month, there is a tendency to be more aware of two points of time related to eating, i.e. on breaking fast and on sahur. As sahur may be clouded with sleepiness, breaking fast is the most awaited time. Iftar or breaking fast then becomes the high point in days of Ramadan. The food bazaars widely available add variety of colours, aromas and tastes, resulting in difficulty in choices and tendency to buy in excess than what one could stomach. In breaking fast at an exclusive and expensive buffets, one is definitely spoilt for choice.

Have you ever asked while eating in excess, as to what needs you are fulfilling? My own answer is not other than self-greed. It is still quite okay if one could perform the obligatory and the optional prayers according to time, but a person should be mindful of the quantity and variety of food eaten to ensure comfortable and rewarding prayers.

Eating too much and you are full. Taking the analogy of a container, if it is brimming full, there won’t be any more space for things to go in. When the stomach is full, besides the person suffering from the fullness or distention, the liver is the organ that suffered most. All other organs gave part of their blood supplies to the gastrointestinal system and thus, they are not in their best states to function as independent organs. You may try hard to keep awake, but you can’t help falling asleep and lazy to wake up at night.

Ramadan is the month of enlightenment. One fights sleepiness to get up and pray for the enlightenment, but if one failed in the preparation, then Ramadan will just passed as a month of diurnal disturbances. It is said that when Allah reveals Himself; we will discover ourselves. Thus, asking and praying for enlightenment is not important, but what of utmost importance are the preparations.

Thus, the preparation is to eat just sufficient to remove hunger i.e. discomfort. Next, practice the positive, and the negative will have no power. Therein lies the Divine foundation for the law of attraction. This facilitates spiritual experiences, which should be positive, uplifting, and attracts good things. This state of feeling does not resonate well with feeling of depression. You will feel life so meaningful and not a burden.

Survivor's story

2011-08-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

Many people from all over the world searched Aleesha Farhana via google search

2011-08-03T06:02:00.001+08:00

This entry is a sort of closure for me, from my statcounter, I know, many people probably had given their thoughts and prayers to Arwah. For 1st and 2nd August the 777 and 925 visitors, mostly came over to this blog via google search (strangely, no entry via other search engines) for either Aleesha or Mohd Ashraf Hafiz Abdul Aziz. Al-Fatihah again and rest in peace.

EMOTION AND SUDDEN CARDIAC DEATH - ENGEL'S EXPLANATION

2011-08-01T22:02:00.003+08:00

OK people, I've completed the breaking of fast and prayers, and here I continue with the explanation of sudden cardiac death from intense helplessness and hopelessness. On viewing my statcounter, the hits so far for today is above 600, almost all visitors came looking for Mohd Ashraf @ Aleesha. Please continue asking Allah's mercy to Arwah, in this blessed month of Ramadhan, may Arwah rest in peace and blessed with forgiveness. Al-Fatihah. Amin.

For my students in Psychiatry: Please read more here!

Perspective

Psychologic Stress, Vasodepressor (Vasovagal) Syncope, and Sudden Death

GEORGE L. ENGEL, M.D.

ANNALS OF INTERNAL MEDICINESeptember 1, 1978vol. 89 no. 3 :403-412

Rochester, New York

Abstract

Giving up in the face of emotional arousal and psychologic uncertainty are conditions conducive both to vasodepressor syncope and sudden death. Under such circumstances there may be simultaneous activation of two emergency biologic regulatory systems, flight-fight and conservation-withdrawal. In the healthy person this may result in vasodepressor syncope, benign arrhythmias, or both. In the presence of factors lowering the threshold for conduction disturbances, dangerous arrhythmias and sudden death rather than, or as well as, vasodepressor syncope may result. Although active myocardial damage by itself may provide the necessary and sufficient conditions for lethal arrhythmias, psychic uncertainty must be considered an additional risk factor. The implications of this concept for patient care and prevention of sudden death are a challenge for future research.

Article and Author Information

▸From the Departments of Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Rochester School of Medicine; Rochester, New York.

Based on the First Annual Edward Weiss Lecture, 11 October 1975, Temple University School of Medicine, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; and the Abe Ravin Lecture, 31 May 1977, General Rose Hospital, Denver, Colorado.

Engel Giving-up Given-up Complex

2011-08-01T17:55:00.005+08:00

Well, Aleesha Farhana made front covers in almost all local newspapers yesterday, and today, the underlying cause of death was agreed by the newspapers as unstable angina leading to cardiogenic shock.

Hey, I teach medical sociology to my psychiatric trainees and let me share my view from Engel's viewpoint. Alas no, the time is late and I haven't cook the rice for my hubby's breaking fast in a couple of hours time, so let me just upload the original/landmark paper that I obtained from this site:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1901860/?page=1

"Selamat Berbuka Puasa"

Doakan Mohd Ashraf Hafiz Abdul Aziz mendapat limpah pengampunan dan tempat yang baik di akhirat, sesungguhnya doa orang yang berpuasa amat mujarab sekali.

Mohd Ashraf Hafiz Abdul Aziz @ Aleesha Farhana

2011-07-31T15:23:00.002+08:00

Aleesha Farhana the person he wanted to be and now he is gone. We would want to think that Allah loves him and take him back. My pre-Ramadan dua for this person, I am sure a beauty inside-out. Al-Fatihah.

Photos from: http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/08asha/Article/

I didn't know much about Mohd Ashraf Hafiz Abdul Aziz, 26, nor about Aleesha Farhana. I always missed the local news on TV, until one day, I saw one member on my face book put a picture of Aleesha with this condemnation: "Celaka Jantan......." followed by her list of friends that made fun of Aleesha.

I thought it is a teenager who was careless with her status, but upon clicking on the profile, the one cursing was a middle age female with children in the early twenties. So, I don't know much about Aleesha but what I knew is that Malaysian can be very heartless and cruel people. Oh, of course you may think that this morally and religiously right person is just doing her duty of reminding not to support one of the cardinal sins in Islam, but hey look, the person is not even covering her aurat. I thought the one talking and not committing what is right is the one leading the way to hell in after life, isn't it not?

Then, i attended an intellectual discourse conducted about the issue and a sociologist keep repeating herself in referring such person as a transvestite. Well, a transvestite is a person and especially a male who adopts the dress and often the behavior typical of the opposite sex especially for purposes of emotional or sexual gratification. Aleesha is most likely Transsexual, a person with desire to live and be accepted as, a member of the sex opposite to that assigned at birth. So, Aleesha wanted to be accepted as how she feel she was, and to come to what I like to highlight here to my experience/views with a person with gender identity disorder are as follows:

1. They are first of all humans
2. They have sensitive "heart"; if you normal and religiously correct people think you have feeling, then multiply or square your feeling to feel a bit of what these special people feel.
3. They are abnormal to your definition, and I guess as a psychiatrist, I could understand that those with more covert personality/moral/religious issues would hit harder at these special people
4. They first knew that they feel like the opposite sex when they were still very young, some even at the age of 4 or 3. Thus, I question the learning factor in this status.
5. The transgender people may consist of heterogeneous type of genetic make up or physical expression, so each case should be formulated individually and we should not generalised them as having similar underlying problem. A very female person physically could be having an XY genes. Also Brain-based studies have concentrated on whether sexually dimorphic brain structures in transsexuals are more similar to their preferred sex or to their birth sex. We are still in the unestablished grounds here, and more researches should be carried out.
6. Those who'd cursed Aleesha, could be the one having children with such problem. It is one example of "Bukan salah ibu mengandung", also "Bukan salah ibu-bapa mendidik", in fact this problem is a "Bukan salah siapa." Yang salah, yang suka menghina dan menghukum!

So, my heart goes to Aleesha, and may God be most merciful most compassionate to this special person. Hopefully, with Aleesha short, assertive and vulnerable presence in our small world, an improved awareness and support will help parents and children growing with this problem. I hope Aleesha's parents could be proud of their child, for indeed the Malaysian society should learn to think and stop the blaming game.

Probably, before a sex change operation, the person and family should get the required medical report and diagnosis to the court to get the legal approval for the change in name and sexual identity.

For those who had poked fun, cursed and took the chance to undoing their own covert failures and sins in life, you had missed the chance to ask forgiveness from Aleesha.

JOURNEY TO RECOVERY

2011-07-27T11:56:00.003+08:00


22nd July 2011


With USM Masters without Dr.Jefri, the second prize winner for MOs

I've long been having any interest to update this blog until today, largely due to the pain that I was suffering from. Miraculously, after holding the cardboard I realised that the pain had almost gone. Strange, but I felt as if my pain was left with the cardboard in room 3017 Sheraton Imperial KL. So, this is a landmark for my own journey in self-healing.

I now feel good and could only be thankful of what I've been blessed for, Alhamdullilah dan Syukur.

Thank you AstraZeneca and MPA for the prize money.

Thank you www.facit.org for the payment for my little services.

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadan kepada semua.

I am taking my annual leaves during Ramadan except for Tuesday, for teaching, for we are short of teachers.

Profile Picture as of today

A case of a leeche with cancer

2011-07-04T11:18:00.002+08:00

I met a breast cancer patient who suffered widespread chest wall metastasis after going for "Berbekam" or blood letting procedures. First she was treated with the conventional suction cups blood letting and on second treatment she tried the large leeches as in the image. The images however, was taken from Pak Zawi's Blog, so as to demonstrate what the procedures were all about.

After the alternative treatment, the cancer came out and infiltrated the affected chest wall and she needed urgent radiotherapy to control the spread and cancer aggression. The therapies created a massive clinical mess. The patient is a degree holder school teacher. I was speechless for a while and can't help blurting out this; "Kesian lintah tu semua, mesti mati lepas tu kerana banyak telan sel kanser." ["Pity the leeches, sure die one after sucking so many cancerous cells"] .

When I related the story to the oncology counselor, about an educated (school teacher) going for such therapy, she said that she had to deal with the complications, even from a PhD holder. It is just a case of "terlampau cerdik" and reading too many blogs by self proclaimed specialists. Ho ohhhh...I had a tinge of idea of reference.

Enjoy the images taken from Pak Zawi's page. Thank you Pak Zawi for the nice pics.

In the case of breast cancer patient, this is done on or around the cancer

In the case of cancer patient, this is done on or around the cancer

Though this entry is labeled as healing, it is a case of misguided and suicidal healing for cancer patients. It is Ironic daughter of Ludicrous when a breast cancer patient differed operation and chemo just because of fear of losing a breast, but willing to live with a rotten breast.

Oh dear, ladies, if you don't pity yourselves, pity the leeches!!!!

Vernonia amygdalina aka Pokok South Afrika aka Pokok Bismillah

2011-07-03T10:23:00.006+08:00

Vernonia amygdalina aka Pokok South Afrika aka Pokok Bismillah

Finally, I got the scientific name to my south African plant as written in MY PREVIOUS BLOG

MORE INFO IN WIKIPEDIA: CLICK HERE!

Best of all Vernonia amygdalina is probably hepato-protective rather than hepato-toxic, CLICK HERE FOR SCIENTIFIC PAPER!

Scary Busy Mind

2011-06-27T09:15:00.001+08:00

I am so tired that I can't study

Do you ever wonder why you are so tired at the end of the day? I once asked a question to my friend what she did on returning home from work. She said that she usually was too tired to do anything other than lazing around, at the most watching TV or reading newspaper. She lived with only her husband and all food bought from stalls and restaurant and there is a weekend maid to do all the cleaning and ironing.

You may say how lucky or unlucky my friend is. Well, let’s not judge her. In the office she hardly expended much more physical energy than typing at the computer keyboard. As a comparison, the carpenter-labourer that stays with us works from 8 am to 5 pm building house. He came home at 5 pm, still capable of helping with our garden and at night, I heard him reciting the Quran.

So, a person became fatigued not because of working hard, nor of thinking hard. I am sure the man that stays with us thought very hard, because he is the head carpenter, constructing houses with no architectural guidance. Looks like I am trying to present a case of being tired or fatigued just from the thinking of insignificant things. Let’s examine some of our thoughts:

“It is so unfair”

“I can’t do my work properly”

“My subordinates do not respect me”

“They are criticising me.’

“I am not good enough”

“I can’t stand this job”

“I can’t stand my boss”

“My students are so stupid”

“I am so stupid” and so the list goes....

According to scientists, we have about 60,000 thoughts a day, 95% are thoughts you have been thinking the day before, and the day before that, and that‘s one thought per second during every waking hour. This probably explains why you are so tired at the end of the day. Marci Shimoff summed them as “Scary Mind Math.” 80% of the habitual thoughts are negative, what Dr. Daniel Amen called as ANTs (Automatic negative thoughts).

So, do you actually want to give your mind space to the swarming ANTs? Describing automatic negative thoughts as ANTs is very fitting, as innocuous as one ANT; a swarm of ANTS is ruinous. So, one innocuous thought, when think repeatedly in many different ways resulted in stressed reaction that when prolonged, gives rise to neuropathological damage, underlying many morbid chronic illnesses. It is a waste of space in my blog to detail out the experimental studies, suffice to say that the presenters in the in the 5^th CINP, presented a valid neuropathological evidences.

Random thoughts

2011-06-26T13:00:00.002+08:00

I am still alive! Yea, good for me, or is it not? Being alive and writing this entry means that I am thinking.

What's with Molly as in the image? I've just returned from the 5th CINP [Collegium Internationale Neuro-Psychopharmacologicum] and learned quite a bit about social behaviour in animals. I will write more later, but Molly is exhibiting a behaviour that resulted from a territorial worry.

Is it thought or worry that is occupying your mind? The process is the same, but the effects may differ. We think to find a solution or solutions. When we can't stop thinking about the same thing and proceed with problem solving then it may be a preoccupation in the form of worries. Worrying made a trait, a worrier. It may have been ingrained into one's character that the person may not realise that there is a life without having to worry.

Now, I am starting to worry about what I am writing, and this does not go well with my new resolution. Thus, here the entry stop.

OK, before signing off, I've just opened an invitation letter to Talk on 05Febuari 2011, and the letter is dated 21 Jun 2011. The person who signed the letter is either full of worries that he was not mindful of what he was signing, or he is the type who don't give a damn. Darn that I need to be sarcastic to end my worries.

naik giler

2011-06-14T12:10:00.004+08:00

In the oncology daycare here, there are too many patients receiving chemotherapy for advanced breast cancer. I flipped through their charts, and many are educated and from middle class group.

Too many came after a year or two on alternative treatment. Those that were either strong or having less aggressive cancers did managed to arrest the spread of their cancer for almost three or four years, but eventually on not so a fine day, they made discoveries of lump or lumps above their clavicle, or in the neck or they had fractured a rib or two. There was one patient who quickly turned paraplegic. These patients then were very surprised because they claimed that their breast lump had stayed the same or had even disappeared on their regular palpation or from the scans by their traditional healers.

There was one sister who knows and practiced everything, from apricot seed to imported laetrile or B17 or Amygdaline from Mexico, to special dates and grains from Mecca and Madinah, and daily soda bicarbonate, until she presented to my perception like a volcanic fruit cake. It looks like the recipe incorporates too much leavening agent. I learn not to underestimate a makchik either, for there was one who was just like a verbal encyclopedia on alternative medicine.

Their big disappointment came when the lump or the fracture was confirmed to be due to breast cancer metastasis and then it is too late, even with expensive and powerful chemotherapy.

Well, let me state here that breast cancer cells like to migrate and they are pretty assiduous in dividing when they are in their new home. So, the primary site is not a reliable site to monitor the cancer. Lately also, there are too many people we heard that only discovered their cancer when the cancer is in its fourth or final stage. A husband of a friend complained of back ache and on investigation revealed that the spine was eaten by cancer metastasis from the lung. One that recently passed away, complained of big tummy, when on investigation revealed that the cancer from the endometrium had gone to the lung and and had caused cancerous fluid to accumulate in the abdomen.

So, what is my message? When it is cancer cells, you want to remove them out as many and as fast as possible, for your life span, could be translated by God Al Mighty as inversely related to the length of time you delay. God knows best, of course.

Who am I? (5)

2011-06-13T08:00:00.000+08:00

The End.

Much learning from my kitchen.

The conclusion is: I am damaged but usefully good.